Last week, the city was covered in snow. A week before that, it was almost 70 outside. As Katy Perry says, "It’s hot then it’s cold.” Like many of our past relationships, this spring's weather just doesn’t make any sense. It's all over the place and emotionally unsettling. Here are five ways that spring in Chicago is just like your crazy ex.
It's unpredictable: One minute it's warm, loving and embracing you, and the next it's cold, dreary and dreadful. Sunshine and then a snow tornado. She loves me. She loves me not. Her attitude will blow you down the street and have you bracing for cover. Day after day, you wonder if you should have even left the house or just died in your bed.
It's always making you pay: Two words: TAX SEASON. Aside from Uncle Sam and the folks down in Springfield jamming their hands into your pockets every April, street cleaning and overnight parking bans kick in during the spring, inevitably costing thousands of drivers across town a good chunk of change.
It's always causing you to lose some sleep: Every year, the vernal equinox robs you of an hour of sleep. You’ll spend the rest of the season and your life trying to get that hour (and six months of a relationship) back. The changing sunrise and sunset times will throw off your internal clock, making you wonder how a city you love so much could leave you feeling so unstable—sound familiar?
You're forced to clean: Every time spring says it's coming over, you clean the whole place up and down. You donate clothes, give stuff away and wash the pile of dishes that scares you because you think it’s a person. Then, it doesn’t even show up on time.
It's always reminding you of your previous ex: When spring first entered your life, it seemed promising. You thought that it couldn't be any worse than your previous seasonal relationship, winter. But even though it was cold and unrelenting, winter was consistent. Spring, on the other hand, is erratic and terrifying and makes you dream of someone who's nice to you on a regular basis (see summer).