The 10 craziest things we overheard in Chicago this week

We eavesdrop on Chicagoans on the street and the El, in bars and buses, and everywhere in between to bring you funny and baffling quips



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  • Photograph: Taylor Castle

Photograph: Taylor Castle

I should have taken the opportunity to cheat on my wife more often.

I don't fuck with that Hostess stuff. It gives you ass cancer.

I like her sweater, but I don't like her face.

If I was a bum, I would go to a tortilla factory, those things are like a $1.00 and you get hundred in bag!

Why are you watching Good Morning America? What are you, 60?

What do you call a onesie for adults?

I still don't want to see her red bush.

A homeless woman called me a cunt this morning, so...happy birthday to me!

I reached for my pants and a shirt popped out.

You've encountered a tiny black dick?

If you're eavesdropping around town, e-mail us the funny, outrageous stuff you've heard. You might see the quotes in the next edition.

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July 17, 2014

How have white dudes not learned you can’t wear headdresses?

I feel bad enough when I eat Cheez-Its. I don’t need to feel worse.

I think “Ditka” is synonymous with “meat.”

I’m a really wonderful heckler.

“I wouldn’t want to eat the Paul Stanley hot dog.” “It’d be greasy. And hairy.”

I want to have a racist birthday party.

Ikea is for people who have just moved out of their parents’ house.

It’s been a banner year for rabbits.

"A friend of mine threw up on someone while getting a blow job." "That's a common one, I've heard of that."

I got kicked out of Kingston Mines.