51 things you'll never hear a Chicagoan say

Utter any of these sentences in public and risk being called out as a faux Chicagoan. Consider yourself warned.

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No. 30: I love hanging out at Navy Pier.

No. 30: I love hanging out at Navy Pier.

RECOMMENDED: Your guide to living in Chicago


1. There's too much cheese on this.


2. Ditka? Who's that?


3. I had a great experience at that House of Blues show.


4. Lakefront roller bladers are the best!


5. I'm going to a Cubs game, but I'm not drinking.


6. We should really spend more time exploring the rest of Illinois.


7. Michael Jordan? Meh.


8. Liz Phair put together a really solid career.


9.  Wicker Park is as edgy as ever.


10. John Kass is really on top of things.


11. Chief Keef sure has a bright future.


12. This past winter wasn't so bad.


13. Rahm Emanuel is totally in touch with the common man.


14. Potholes? Haven't seen too many.


15. Yeah, I'll admit I have a Chicago accent.


16. You can find some great deals on Michigan Avenue.


17. I just can't get enough of Rick Bayless.


18. Windy City LIVE makes me so proud.


19. John Cusack's Twitter feed makes him look like a reasonable guy.


20. I'm a White Sox fan, but a lot of my friends are Cubs fans and they're really cool.


21. Chicago drivers are so considerate!


22. Jerry Reinsdorf—man, I love that guy.


23. Ahhhh, the smell of this El car makes me feel like I'm in a lush, verdant forest.


24. No, I've never lived in Rogers Park.


25. Steve Albini seems like a nice guy.


26. That latest Richard Roeper column really made me think.


27. Jim Belushi? That guy is hilarious!


28. I never see any cyclists going through red lights.


29. Know what this hot dog needs? Ketchup.


30. I love hanging out at Navy Pier.


31. Shutting down all those schools was a great move.


32. Man, U.S. Cellular was packed last night.


33. The latest Daley sure was a great mayor.


34. I never had a problem with Marshall Fields becoming Macy's.


35. No one knows fashion better than the straight men of Chicago.


36. Man, those students at the U of C really know how to party.


37. I love hanging out with people from the North Shore—so down to earth.


38. We're really looking forward to the day when Timmy gets old enough to go to public school.


39.  Man, I love my alderman.


40. Willis Tower.


41. These Cubs tickets are a total bargain!


42. I stayed in great shape this winter.


43. I don't own anything from North Face.


44. I can't find a Starbucks.


45. Parking there is super easy.  


46. You know the best thing about Chicago? The weather.


47. You know the best thing about Lincoln Park? The diversity.


48.  I'm so proud Jeremy Piven is from around here.


49. I've been a Blackhawks fan for decades.


50. This bacon-on-everything trend will never get old.


51. New York is totally better than Chicago.



Users say

78 comments
avakahlo
avakahlo

This article is TERRIBLE

You are obviously not from Chicago


I even created an account to let you know

THIS SUCKS!

Sherry Chicago
Sherry Chicago

1. Accent? I don't have an accent!

2. Yeah, I love driving out to da Sout Suburbs. Lots of cool things to do out dere.

Joshua N
Joshua N

There is a very cool new social media site called Moptwo and I want all Chicagoans to know that they have a page dedicated to all things Chicago. This is NOT spam, I used to live in Chicago and I know how much people there love their city (as it should be). The site is kind of, sort of, like Pinterest, but for articles and not just pictures. I also want to give credit where credit is due because it's where I saw this article in the first place. Here is the link to the "Chicago Digest" on Moptwo (so again, like a Pinterest board, but with everything on one page), it has LOTS of continually updated Chicago info,: https://www.moptwo.com/ChicagoDigest

Ty C
Ty C

Maybe I am faux Chicagoan (yes, transplant) But i've been here long enough and well...

1) said that before, aka Giordano's/Geno's east/overhyped deep dish (yes its too much cheese and not enough crust)

3) House of Blues actually has an awesome sound system and I enjoyed many times there (Foundation room especially)

11) sadly, yes, he still could

17) You're damn right

24) never have, and never will

50) Um, chicagoans say that all the time

51) Sadly, at the current state of Chicago, I've heard this more often times than people would like.

Natalie S
Natalie S

See, This person is total north Shore trust fund loyola student who DOES live In Rogers Park.  am I right? Am I right?! Ohhhhhh, and the top number one thing you WILL hear a chicagoan say, is this guy is not from chicago 


Yolanda C
Yolanda C

1- there is such a thing as too much cheese
24- yeah, not all of us have lived there.
29- WTF- Some of us like Ketchup that no ketchup thing is annoying and really stupid.
34-Field's, Macy's.eh same difference 

Seems whoever wrote this should explore the city a bit more. Some hoods actually have pretty decent parking AND you can drive miles without seeing a Starbucks. Shocking! I know. 




chloecystitis
chloecystitis

I liked the show I saw at the House of Blues. :(

Renee .
Renee .

i like new york better.
but chicago pizza is far superior.

Glenn-Paul N
Glenn-Paul N

Wow... I finished the list.   This is nothing but a bitter scumbag venting his personal feelings on the dime of TimeOut Chicago.  Worst part is:  he's not even writing it as an opinion column.  Instead he's trying to pass off his opinions as all of Chicagoans'; and if you don't share his opinion, then you're not a real Chicagoan.   How the HELL did this guy get a job when there are so many more qualified people still unemployed or underemployed??

Andy H
Andy H

Cigarrettes are really cheap


Ive never heard of any shootings this weekend


Cab drivers always obey the traffic laws


Homeless people? Never seen any of these


Traffic on the Kennedy was smooth today


What's Comiskey Park? Never heard of it


What's the Sears Tower? Never heard of it



Mr B
Mr B

North siders are true Chicagoans.


Safest city in the world. 


Chicago is a collection of progressive neighborhoods.


Chicago isn't racist.


Chicago isn't segregated.


Boystown is a great place to hang out. (non-gay chicagoans)


Chicago Police are punks and get run over at protests.


It's cheap to live here.


Gas prices are awesome.


Public transit is relatively safe. 


We don't need that many police.


Chicago Police are underworked.


Our legislators are intelligent and have the common man interests at heart.


Our state and local government is corruption free.


Our news reporting is unbiased.


There aren't many gangs here.


The food here sucks.



Biffle K
Biffle K

#52 I'd NEVER move away from Chicago-even though our State Legislators in all likelihood will approve a Graduated Income Tax Increase the week of 04/28/2014 along with a $5 Tax on all Sugary or Diet Soda Drinks bought in Case Lots from you local Super...

Kirk Z
Kirk Z

cleaned up nicely with #51

I have to disagree with 49.  I have been a Blackhawks fan for many years, but I am not a douche who won't welcome in new fans.  If you are a newer fan though, just own it.  I have met many folks who try to play it off like they were into hockey fans long before 2010 and when I bring up the name Eric Daze or Joelyn Thibault they just respond with "Yeah, totally."

hahah I lived in Roger's Park. I'm still paying for the housing market fall-out! 

The Suburbanists
The Suburbanists

This is the dumbest shit I've ever read in my life.  I don't give a fuck about Michael Jordan and I love Ketchup.  What a sad cry for a bump in web traffic.

Ross H
Ross H

52. I love driving on the Kennedy and the Dan Ryan, especially during rush hour!

53. What I love about John Barleycorn's on Clark is that the clientele is so refined and down-to-earth!

54. I never lived in LAKEVIEW. (I mean... Rogers Park? Really?)

Melinda K
Melinda K

The house of blues is a great place to see a show.

Who the hell would move here and live in Rogers Park ??

I luv ketchup --- it's a condiment which has nothing to do with where i live..... quit being a follower...

But hey - I live in Lincoln Park, so what do I know  ....



Daniel R
Daniel R

I happen to love the House of Blues.  Has one of the best sound systems in Chicago.  I'll still choose Schubas and Lincoln over it any day, but I just don't see why people would hate on it.

Jim K
Jim K

Actually, Steve Albini is a pretty nice guy...

nicklenation428
nicklenation428

At the risk of exile from the city, I must admit that I say #29 like I get paid to do it. I'm a born and raised Chicagoan who EATS HOT KETCHUP ON HOT DOGS. 

Rory S
Rory S

@avakahlo 


If you disagree, you are either:


A. 12 years old, or 

B. An idiot. 


I even created an account to let you know.

Rory S
Rory S

@Ty C

Yes, you are obviously a faux Chicagoan.

Gad Z
Gad Z

You're an idiot.

Gad Z
Gad Z

@Mr B You're not as smart as you think.

Gad Z
Gad Z

@Melinda K Stupid bitch. Go ahead and move here and live in Rogers Park.  Then maybe ten years after that you'll be qualified to comment.

Natalie S
Natalie S

Who would move here and go to Rogers park? A loyola student who doesn't know dick about chixago @Melinda K 

G G
G G

@Melinda K   "Who the hell would move here"  denotes that you are not from here. Go back to Naperville.


Erin R
Erin R

@Melinda K "Who the hell would move here and live in Rogers Park ??" Umm, people who can't afford Lincoln Park. AKA most people.

Dane K
Dane K

@Melinda K Who the hell would move here and live in Rogers Park ??

why?  My single family home has a bigger yard than many suburbanites have.

mlweiland
mlweiland

@Daniel R Because too many people at House of Blues think it's just fine to chatter at full voice DURING THE PERFORMANCE.

@Jim K  Amen to that. He has legitimate, insightful, and strong opinions on music and the music industry, in which he pulls no punches, but he's still a nice guy.

Lucinda B
Lucinda B

I only met him once while friends of mine were recording. Very seriously when it came to business, was very cool and accommodating when they were done.

Andy H
Andy H

@Lucinda B @nicklenation428  No. I think its ok. I only put it on a burger but if you and others like it then so what. I like hot dog with only onion and hot peppers