Heard on the street, April 18, 2013, edition

I don�t need more hobbies I�m never going to do clouding up the hobbies that I don�t have time to do.

What�s your spirit animal? Mine is Wendy Williams.

Taste this. Is it water or vodka?

�Is there a name for this style of animation?� �Yeah��crap.�?�

I would hate-fist Silver Linings Playbook.

He�s a big, useless penis.

She kept telling everyone Milwaukee�s Best is a good beer.

I was finger-banging her on the way to a Jessica Simpson concert.

I can�t imagine someone I�d like to have sex with less than my brother.

Soyrizo makes me farty. It�s like a weird laxative.

Is this too gay to wear to seder?

I had a horrible experience with a bathroom toilet puck in Tanzania.