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  1. You don�t want to be in diapers at 40.

  2. I have a lot of gay friends, but he�s the gayest.

  3. Someone tells me that bad tattoos are a new thing and that people like them.

  4. I was kind of a church lady in college.

  5. You know what I�m into, hipster? Douche-bag stuff. I like to go do douche-bag-y things.

  6. I was going to go to a funeral tomorrow, but I�m not really in the mood to hear crying.

  7. It�s like an arsenic sundae with a cherry on top.

  8. I told her I was a Republican and she didn�t speak to me for ten minutes.

  9. Why aren�t you wearing shoes? You look like a Hobbit.

  10. Have you ever seen Portlandia? Austin is like that.

  11. He�s definitely not someone you�d wanna see naked.

Heard on the street, April 4, 2013, edition

Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.

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