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  1. He has carved out this hole for me to exist in, and I don�t like it. It�s dark and smelly.

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  2. I can�t tell which one of my parents fucked me up more.

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  3. That guy in the Star Trek shirt looks pregnant.

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  4. I�ve got little T. rex arms. I can�t reach back that fast and pull out my gun.

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  5. Everyone hides the crazy. Well, not everyone.

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  6. I guess you�re really good at Where�s Waldo?, huh?

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  7. It�s not your fault we got knocked up.

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  8. What happens in Muncie stays in Muncie, I guess.

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  9. Is it weird my left nipple is waaay bigger than my right one?

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  10. I could have shoved the 17-inch up there, and he wouldn�t have known.

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  11. Not until you attempt home hair-color correction will you truly know despair.

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Heard on the street, February 21, 2013, edition

Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.

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