Heard on the street, February 21, 2013, edition

He has carved out this hole for me to exist in, and I don�t like it. It�s dark and smelly.

I can�t tell which one of my parents fucked me up more.

That guy in the Star Trek shirt looks pregnant.

I�ve got little T. rex arms. I can�t reach back that fast and pull out my gun.

Everyone hides the crazy. Well, not everyone.

I guess you�re really good at Where�s Waldo?, huh?

It�s not your fault we got knocked up.

What happens in Muncie stays in Muncie, I guess.

Is it weird my left nipple is waaay bigger than my right one?

I could have shoved the 17-inch up there, and he wouldn�t have known.

Not until you attempt home hair-color correction will you truly know despair.