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It�s my birthday and you�re talking about killing my dog.
I wanna go white-water rafting. I want my life in God�s hands for two hours.
When I get a dick pic, I know I�ve done something right.
There�s a woman here named Hamlet.
You don�t look like a person who missed a meal.
I beat Super Mario Kart while nursing your sister. Give me some credit!
Remember when I ran around that bar in assless underwear?
I never thought my morning routine would consist of me squatting on the floor fingering myself.
See, you�re not so bad when you�re not shitting the bed.
If straight men ever figure out how much fun dick is, our species is really in trouble.
Heard on the street, March 14, 2013, edition
Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.
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