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It's that day again – the luurrve day. Whether you're a Valentine's Grinch or captain of the love train, there are at least seven things you might want to avoid doing this heart-shaped holiday, such as...
1. Doing nothing
It's a day of love and love means activity – usually rhythmic style in a bed or down an alley. If you have no such plans this year, some ways you can spread the love are: scare a Londoner by smiling at them in the street for no reason or buy yourself a huge bunch of beautiful flowers and have some self-love time.
2. Buy flowers after 5.30pm
They will all be gone. Well, all the good ones will be, at least. There are many flower providers in the city, so get your order in now. If you leave it until the last minute you'll be left with the absolute dregs of flower-kind. Think of the last people being picked for the football team of love – yes, these flowers deserve your pity.
3. Text your ex
Seeing many couples kissing along London streets may stir nostalgic feelings. 'Maybe he wasn't the colossal arse that all my friends said he was. We did have fun together. I remember that time he stole flowers because he couldn't afford any and we ended up spending Valentine's night in a police cell in Brixton. Ah, fond memories'. Resist. The past is the past for a reason, because you were very silly and naive at the time.
4. Buy a card in a shop
Have you been to a card shop in London recently? They have gone to town. Like the universe itself, the range of Valentine's cards is forever expanding and it could take you hours to choose the right card. Is it too soon for the 'love' word? Is a comedy card too impersonal? You need time and privacy to make this huge paper-related decision so just go online and buy one in advance.
5. Assume it's just for couples
Gallentine's Day, invented by queen of comedy Amy Poehler, is the day before Valentine's Day and is 24 hours to celebrate your gal pals. If you've got an other half, marvellous – but if you don't, you can still spread the love this weekend whether it's with your family, friends or yourself!
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photo credit: Flying Fish - Strawberry Dessert Trio via photopin (license)
6. Forget to book
We have all spent at least one Valentine's Day unprepared and traipsing around jam-packed restaurants just begging for a seat and a prawn cracker. Don't spend another February 14 in KFC caressing your loved one with greasy fingers. Pop online and book somewhere now. It doesn't have to be expensive, it just has to have seats. Do it now. NOW.
7. Be embarrassed
You've been given a bunch of flowers and a teddy by your gal or fella and it was super lovely but now you have to get on the tube. Brandishing love gifts in public is nothing to be ashamed of. Hold that cheesy teddy bear proudly in front of you and let him lead the way. Or bring a spare carrier bag to your date and stuff everything in there for the way home.