What’s this, a new Tellytubby? Actually, Ting is the Shangri-La hotel’s dining space on the thirty-fifth floor of the glistening Shard, but unless you’re blessed with a Tinky Winky-bellied bank account, we’d give the £18-a-starter ‘restaurant’ bit a swerve. Instead, book Ting’s more affordable neighbouring ‘lounge’. This shares its stunning views and statement toilets, which boast glass-walled cubicles, heated seats and buttons offering a choice of bottom sprays including ‘oscillating’ and ‘power deodorizer’.
The Shangri-La Group is based in Hong Kong but was founded in Singapore, so it’s nice to find Southeast Asian and regional Chinese street food dishes alongside the oil-money-courting meze and room-service usual suspects (club sandwich, lobster bisque). An £18 chicken and prawn laksa (a thin curry noodle soup) was perfectly adequate, but the moutabal (a chargrilled aubergine dip) lacked smokiness. Most frustratingly, our £18 burger, ordered medium rare, arrived medium well, and when we requested ketchup and mustard they took a full 15 minutes to arrive.
You don’t come here for the food, but Ting’s vistas are superb and the loos are a laugh. Where else could you expose yourself to the whole of London without getting arrested? Eh-oh!