[image]
[title]There's something about the strobe-lit flourish of cascading dollar bills and a half naked Pocahontas flawlessly sexualizing "Colors of the Wind" that really makes you think, "Fuck, this is awesome." Last night, Star Garden (North Hollywood's family run, topless strip club) held its third annual Miss Star Garden Topless Stripper Pageant and fuck, it was awesome.
Among the tiny thongs and seductive curves were also creative outfits, nerd-drenched themes and flat-out feats of acrobatic performance. Eight contestants, all current Star Garden dancers, competed in four rounds of striptease for the title of Miss Star Garden 2014. Round one went straight to business with each dancer showing off her pole dancing prowess. Directly after, and without skipping a beat, the contest jumped straight into round two: booty bouncing. Round three, the erotic lap dance, gave one lucky raffle-winning audience member the good fortune to serve as the "lap" for all eight ladies. You ask, can one man's heart truly handle the pleasure of 16 butt cheeks? Yes, don't ask stupid questions.
The competition was rounded out by the fourth and final freestyle round: two minutes for each contestant to show off her best moves. A few highlights included arousing homages to Star Wars, Mortal Combat and Flashdance. After all was said and done, and after all bared and twirled, the audience voted for their favorite dancer dancer via text, with DTLA native Jinx Piggy coming away with the coveted Miss Star Garden 2014 crown and sash.