"I snuck out the car when I was 15 yrs old. Sorry!"
"I lost my virginity to a prostitute."
"Your perfume smells like wilted flowers."
"You're terrible at texting :)"
"I'm terrified I'm going to inherit your drinking problem."
"I don't believe in God... and I smoke weed before we go to church."
"I love you... but not your cooking!"
"I had sex in her shower!"
"It was me who set the hammock on fire, not Liam. You grounded him for a month and he never ratted me out! Sorry mom... sorry Liam."
"Mom my number is 37! Don't be mad I'm not a slut!"
"I always wanted to live with dad."
"That time you grounded me for coming home drunk? I had done so much LSD."
"Your relationship with dad is why I can't find anyone good enough. The bar is set too high. Thanks for that."
"You think I'm a daddy's girl, but you're the one I'd be truly lost without."
"Mom—I found $100 by your purse... assumed you did not need it... so I bought $100 worth of shrooms and took them ALL. Bad idea... sorry mom."
"You're the only person I want to talk to when I'm feeling sad, but I know it will only make you sad too. Sorry for not calling this week."
"I love being a mama's boy."