The 10 commandments of driving in LA

If thou wilt enter into LA traffic, keep the commandments—lest thou really piss someone off.

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Photograph: Joseph Novak

1. Thou shalt always take Fountain west of La Brea.


2. Thou shalt never pay to valet Downtown when there are flat-rate lots around the corner.


3. Thou shalt only turn up the bass if thy car has a decent sound system.


4. Thou shalt not rubberneck, even if thou sees someone famous. Move along.


5. Thou shalt always order an Uber when thou hast had too much to drink.


6. Thou shalt not steal to the front of the Stadium Way backup on game day. Not nice.


7. Thou may turn left on red, but never if thou is fourth in line.


8. Thou shalt never, ever cut off a cyclist. Ever.


9. Thou shalt always pull all the way up to the red curb when parking thy car, especially on street cleaning days.


10. Thou shalt not forget to feed thy meter in West Hollywood, lest thou wants a pricey parking ticket.


Besides not coveting our neighbor's parking spot, which commandments should be on this list? Leave us a comment below.



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2 comments
Dabonboza de d
Dabonboza de d

Given:  I live and do drive in Los Angeles - I merit my commandments.:  Thou Shalt Not Allow A car On Your Left To Merge Right or make His Exit Off The Freeway - as this is the normal common practice in LA.   Thou Shalt Drive Very Assertively, Allowing No-One The Right of Way,  - Thou Shalt Show All In Traffic That You Are A Truly Righteous Road Warier. Thou Shalt Not Brake Suddenly When L.A.P.D Follows You as this really angers them ti be at fault with a rear hit.  Thou Will Brake Very Suddenly For Children and Animals - But; it's 10 points for knocking over the elderly and / or handicapped   Thou Shalt Sideswipe A Motorcycle or Bicycle Whenever Possible By Driving The Bike Lane.  Thou Shall Always Drive The Carpool Lane When Alone - everybody does it.  I could easy go on and on with these commandments as Los Angeles possibly has the worst drives this side of Tokyo or New Jersey.

Frank M
Frank M

Thou art always 3rd when turning left on red no matter how many cars have already done so.

Thou shalt yell at drivers whose stereo is too loud because you are trying to use your phone.

Those who work at Disney, Universal, or had a bit part in a movie 23 years ago always have the right of way. Especially if they're on the phone.

If thou art picking up your spawn at school, traffic laws do not apply to thee only to everyone else.

Thou shalt only figure how long it takes to get to work based on perfectly open freeways and use this allotted time only. The thought of leaving 5 minutes earlier is never acted upon.

Should thou live 38 miles from work, you can use "boy, traffic was heavy" every single day to explain being 10 minutes late every single day. If your employer asks you to be on time you can sue for harassment.

When moving, always use the smallest vehicle to transport your mattress. It must be tied to the roof using 1 wrap of twine and keeps the doors from opening.

Lastly, there can never be vehicle inspection because it is discriminatory to keep cars with busted windows, no turn signals, spewing clouds of smoke, 1 lug nut holding a tire on, and duct tape holding on bumpers off the road.