67 things you'll never hear an Angeleno say
Tourists, visiting cousins and gluttons for punishment may speak such silliness, but true blue Angelenos? Never.
Mon Apr 7 2014
Photograph: Courtesy Hollywood Sign Trust. All rights reserved.
1. Look! The Hollywood sign!
2. I'd love to give you a ride to LAX.
3. I'm gonna take a little joyride up the 405 around 5pm tonight. Clear my head.
4. Who does yoga anymore, honestly?
5. The boardwalk at Venice Beach doesn't scare me at all.
6. Wait, what's "animal style"?
7. USC students seem so well adjusted and down to earth.
8. I respect our city's Latino heritage by correctly pronouncing Cañon Drive, Los Feliz and Sepulveda.
9. Public transportation is so practical here.
10. I'm doing this thing now where I only eat gluten.
Photograph: Courtesy La Brea Bakery
11. I can't find a farmers market anywhere.
12. Kale is so over.
13. I wish my agent would stop calling me.
14. There will definitely be street parking.
15. I've been a Clippers fan for decades.
16. The housing market is totally affordable right now.
17. Free tote bag? Nah, I'm okay.
18. I'm so glad that developer tore down those Spanish-style bungalows to build these snazzy new condos!
19. I can name my city councilman.
20. The Grove is a super cool place to hang out.
Photograph: Courtesy the Grove
21. Hey man, those paparazzi are just trying to make an honest living.
22. I'm a producer, but my real job is in the service industry.
23. Let's grab a quick lunch at Pink's.
24. Should we walk there?
25. I love hanging out at Santa Monica Pier with all the locals.
26. The night sky is so breathtaking here.
27. Why yes, I would like to go on a celebrity home tour!
28. This taco truck sucks. Let's go to Del Taco.
29. Jeez, nobody will issue me a medical marijuana card.
30. Scientology is legit.
Photograph: Courtesy Wikimedia Commons
31. Money's kind of tight right now, so I think we're just gonna go to Disneyland this weekend.
32. Rain, again?
33. The Fountain shortcut always works—it's like a secret no one knows about!
34. Can I have your autograph?
35. Dolby Theatre.
36. What's Spiderman doing on Hollywood Boulevard? Let's ask him!
37. Cash only? That's cool.
38. Street sweeping is definitely about clean streets, not doling out parking tickets.
39. Man, I really wish Villaraigosa was still our mayor.
40. They're not real!
Photograph: Jakob N. Layman
41. Don't worry, cops don't care about jaywalking here.
42. Vin Scully? Who's that?
43. Dude, the Hollywood Walk of Fame is like the eighth wonder of the world.
44. Malibu Wines at 10am? That is a terrible idea.
45. I wish more helicopters would fly over my neighborhood.
46. We have a plentiful supply of water.
47. Let's hail a cab.
48. Please come stay at our hotel. Nobody famous ever partied/played/died here.
49. Whoa, these were factory-made with non-organic materials halfway across the world? I'll take three.
50. There's room for everyone on this surf break. Paddle over!
Photograph: Walter Choroszewski
51. Let's go to Hollywood and Highland!
52. Go ahead and wear the other team's jersey to the Dodgers game. You definitely won't get beat up.
53. I am not tempted—nor am I made inexplicably ill—by danger dogs.
54. I need to shovel out the car.
55. LA really takes great care of its sidewalks.
56. I'm so sick of avocados.
57. Left on yellow? Wouldn't dare.
58. I should really pick up LA Weekly more often.
59. I bet those city officials in Bell were really hard workers. They probably deserved those raises.
60. Coachella is not a complete and utter shitshow.
Photograph: Jakob N. Layman
61. You know what this city needs? More jorts.
62. Carmaggedon ruined my weekend, just like they said it would.
63. I got my puppy from the pet shop at the mall. Couldn't resist.
64. Craft beer? Boring.
65. I have no strong feelings about the Eastside versus Westside.
66. Chinatown? Never seen it. What's it about?
67. New York is cooler than Los Angeles.
What's missing from our list? Tell us in a comment below.
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"Sure I'll visit you if you move to the Valley!"
"Let's go to Pasadena!"
"LA has amazing italian food!"
"Burbank is awesome!"
"White people aren't scared of the south side!"
"LA is sooooo integrated!"
"I don't want to direct. I prefer acting."
"I am not shopping around a screenplay."
"Hey, instead of going out of town, let's stay at the downtown Bonaventure for the weekend."
"Yeah, we ARE taking the Metro between Disneyland and Universal Studios during Christmas vacation."
"No, it's called the 'Santa Ana' freeway; we don't use digits."
Oh I don't know how to use chopsticks.
I love dating actors!
If only there were someplace around here that sells hamburgers.
I prefer to put my money into my home, not my car.
I'm happy with my body exactly as it is.
I just read a great book!
"It's only a 15 minute walk."
"There's tons of parking."
"And the subway is right there."
"I'm going to Palm Springs after work Friday, it's only 2 hours away."
"Oh this poetry open mic which is just getting started at my favorite quiet coffee shop ought to be really good and interesting!"
Add to that #68: "I picked up a Mexican at Home Depot, but I had to take him back because he didn't work."
The Housewives of Orange County and Beverly Hills are the perfect representatives of So. Cal. They are just like everyone here.
"I LOVE that everyone on the westside is from NYC, Jersey, Frisco (yeah, we say FRISCO)... and that the Angelenos are in the minority." (Think about it: when peeps hate on LA, they're really hating on the culture that the skinny jeans have created, not us.)
"Let's go to East LA for some real Mexican food!"
Same as above except sub Monterey Park and Chinese food.
- I am going to Runyon because I need a legitimate hike!
- Soul Cycle is the biggest money trap ever!
- I need a juice cleanse because it is another way for me to spend money
Don't worry about feeding the meter when it runs out, the meter maids will give you extra time to do this without issuing you a $ 68 parking ticket! HA!
@Carlos M Yup!
@Lara S Love this one!