67 things you'll never hear an Angeleno say

Tourists, visiting cousins and gluttons for punishment may speak such silliness, but true blue Angelenos? Never.

Photograph: Courtesy Hollywood Sign Trust. All rights reserved.
Hollywood Sign

1. Look! The Hollywood sign!

2. I'd love to give you a ride to LAX.

3. I'm gonna take a little joyride up the 405 around 5pm tonight. Clear my head.

4. Who does yoga anymore, honestly?

5. The boardwalk at Venice Beach doesn't scare me at all.

6. Wait, what's "animal style"?

7. USC students seem so well adjusted and down to earth.

8. I respect our city's Latino heritage by correctly pronouncing Cañon Drive, Los Feliz and Sepulveda.

9. Public transportation is so practical here.

10. I'm doing this thing now where I only eat gluten.

11. I can't find a farmers market anywhere.

12. Kale is so over.

13. I wish my agent would stop calling me.

14. There will definitely be street parking.

15. I've been a Clippers fan for decades.

16. The housing market is totally affordable right now.

17. Free tote bag? Nah, I'm okay.

18. I'm so glad that developer tore down those Spanish-style bungalows to build these snazzy new condos!

19. I can name my city councilman.

20. The Grove is a super cool place to hang out.

21. Hey man, those paparazzi are just trying to make an honest living.

22. I'm a producer, but my real job is in the service industry.

23. Let's grab a quick lunch at Pink's.

24. Should we walk there?

25. I love hanging out at Santa Monica Pier with all the locals.

26. The night sky is so breathtaking here.

27. Why yes, I would like to go on a celebrity home tour!

28. This taco truck sucks. Let's go to Del Taco.

29. Jeez, nobody will issue me a medical marijuana card.

30. Scientology is legit.

31. Money's kind of tight right now, so I think we're just gonna go to Disneyland this weekend.

32. Rain, again?

33. The Fountain shortcut always works—it's like a secret no one knows about!

34. Can I have your autograph?

35. Dolby Theatre.

36. What's Spiderman doing on Hollywood Boulevard? Let's ask him!

37. Cash only? That's cool.

38. Street sweeping is definitely about clean streets, not doling out parking tickets.

39. Man, I really wish Villaraigosa was still our mayor.

40. They're not real!

41. Don't worry, cops don't care about jaywalking here.

42. Vin Scully? Who's that?

43. Dude, the Hollywood Walk of Fame is like the eighth wonder of the world.

44. Malibu Wines at 10am? That is a terrible idea.

45. I wish more helicopters would fly over my neighborhood.

46. We have a plentiful supply of water.

47. Let's hail a cab.

48. Please come stay at our hotel. Nobody famous ever partied/played/died here.

49. Whoa, these were factory-made with non-organic materials halfway across the world? I'll take three.

50. There's room for everyone on this surf break. Paddle over!

51. Let's go to Hollywood and Highland!

52. Go ahead and wear the other team's jersey to the Dodgers game. You definitely won't get beat up.

53. I am not tempted—nor am I made inexplicably ill—by danger dogs.

54. I need to shovel out the car.

55. LA really takes great care of its sidewalks.

56. I'm so sick of avocados.

57. Left on yellow? Wouldn't dare.

58. I should really pick up LA Weekly more often.

59. I bet those city officials in Bell were really hard workers. They probably deserved those raises.

60. Coachella is not a complete and utter shitshow.

61. You know what this city needs? More jorts.

62. Carmaggedon ruined my weekend, just like they said it would.

63. I got my puppy from the pet shop at the mall. Couldn't resist.

64. Craft beer? Boring.

65. I have no strong feelings about the Eastside versus Westside.

66. Chinatown? Never seen it. What's it about?

67. New York is cooler than Los Angeles.

What's missing from our list? Tell us in a comment below.

Comments

63 comments
Eduardo G
Eduardo G

Let's go check out the Watts Towers.

Tim B
Tim B

" i dont need a car" 

" I m enjoying this hot day" 

"i dont know where people hike" 

"lets go to the beach" 

Dave R
Dave R

I'm not a native "Angeleno" so my opinion may not count. However, I do work in tourism. If you can believe it, I have gotten many people who were born and raised in the So Cal on my tours. Many locals have never seen the Venice Canals, the Angels Flight, Hollywood sign up close, Walt Disney Concert Hall, Griffith Observatory, etc. Many have never eaten at The Pantry, Philippes, Musso & Frank's.

Having lived here for 5 years, certain things don't impress me much anymore. I'll add to the list of things that never get said by LA locals.

"Look, a palm tree."

"Is there a chance of rain today?"

"OMG, there is a film crew"

"Let's go to a tv taping"

insi10 m
insi10 m

"I left my heart in San Francisco."


"I only go to Vegas for the shows."



insi10 m
insi10 m

"Universal Studios is SO safe at night!  Let's go to the midnight movie."

"What's Canter's?"

"What's Pinks?"



insi10 m
insi10 m

"Southern Cal" for USC


"Cali," meaning California.


"Runyon is SO uncrowded and peaceful."  (Actually, it is if you know when to walk and can accurately throw a rock at those aholes with the lights on their foreheads.)

Bernadette M
Bernadette M

Sorry but I have been a Clippers fan since the 1980s and I am proud to say that I am not a bandwagon fan because I loved the Clippers (Still do) even when they ware not winning anything. I think it was just Billy Crystal and myself at the Sports Arena that were cheering for them. 

Jamie S
Jamie S

"Sorry, I know it's the middle of your work day" when one of your many unemployed friends calls your cell when you're at work.

SonOfSM
SonOfSM

What we really need around here is more Brits.

j a
j a

I'm from Los Angeles and 1. Yes, when we moved our office AT Sunset and Vine to the back side of the building everyone in the office DID say Hey look there's the Hollywood sign 2. I am NOT afraid of Venice Boardwalk and I previously lived there for over 10 years 3. Yes I lovingly offer to drive friends to LAX--what kind of douchey friend are you if you don't 4. No one in my neighborhood does yoga except the trustafarian hipsters that are now moving in 5. I HAVE followed the Clippers since the 80s 6. and yes public transpo is practical 7. my City Council person is Bernard Parks 8. and I usually walk (or take public transportation most places)

LBH1969
LBH1969

Get here on time the bands will start playing at 9 sharp.

Cary L
Cary L

Hey Obama is in town so there shouldn't be much traffic on the road.

Andrew C
Andrew C

Warehouse parties are so lame, let's just go to Avalon!

Jen W
Jen W

I prefer walking there instead of driving.

Let's take the subway!

I don't need to work out everyday.

Do you want to go to Melrose and shop?

My brains will get me to the top in this town!



Jess R
Jess R

#5 is wrong. People who live in LA are not afraid of the boardwalk on Venice beach. We just like to see how scared the tourists get at Venice beach. 

Michael D
Michael D

I actually have been a clippers fan for decades though. along with lots of other angeleno's that I know and meet. and also before uber and left hailing a cab was becoming a pretty common thing. especially on main st. in santa monica at night. otherwise spot on list. especially the carmeggedon post, because anyone in LA  who actually took there cars out and went driving knows that was like the best day ever.

Maddie C
Maddie C

Graffitti is so original here.

saundra s
saundra s

OMG they just opened Dunkin Donuts. 

Benjamin A
Benjamin A

"Sure I'll visit you if you move to the Valley!"


"Let's go to Pasadena!"


"LA has amazing italian food!"


"Burbank is awesome!"


"White people aren't scared of the south side!"


"LA is sooooo integrated!"



Kim G
Kim G

"I don't want to direct. I prefer acting."


"I am not shopping around a screenplay."


"Hey, instead of going out of town, let's stay at the downtown Bonaventure for the weekend."


"Yeah, we ARE taking the Metro between Disneyland and Universal Studios during Christmas vacation."


"No, it's called the 'Santa Ana' freeway; we don't use digits."

Tory D
Tory D

Oh I don't know how to use chopsticks. 


I love dating actors!


If only there were someplace around here that sells hamburgers.

I prefer to put my money into my home, not my car.

I'm happy with my body exactly as it is.


I just read a great book!

Tory D
Tory D

I'm not really into cleanses, I prefer eating food.

Tory D
Tory D

I'm sure you don't want to hear more about my dietary restrictions.

Wes S
Wes S

Its XX miles away..  Distance is all about time..  

kennystrain
kennystrain

"It's only a 15 minute walk."


"There's tons of parking."


"And the subway is right there."


"I'm going to Palm Springs after work Friday, it's only 2 hours away."

Cineartee
Cineartee

"Oh this poetry open mic which is just getting started at my favorite quiet coffee shop ought to be really good and interesting!"

Wendy R
Wendy R

Gloom Grey with accents of Yellow is sooo yesterday.

OptimusOne
OptimusOne

We have the best drivers in the world!

adamwagener
adamwagener

Add to that #68:  "I picked up a Mexican at Home Depot, but I had to take him back because he didn't work."

Diane C
Diane C

Where can I find good Mexican food? Trust me, we already know where.

Diane C
Diane C

It is totally safe to go into the water.

Diane C
Diane C

The Housewives of Orange County and Beverly Hills are the perfect representatives of So. Cal. They are just like everyone here.

Nicole H
Nicole H

I love that bars say they close at 2:00 and really mean 1:30 so I can get more beauty rest.

Rona C
Rona C

No one in Los Angeles says Angeleno

Bo X
Bo X

"Intellect is more important than looks."

JP K
JP K

"LOVE the Valley, more than OC!"

JP K
JP K

"The City of Bell? Huh?"

JP K
JP K

"I LOVE that everyone on the westside is from NYC, Jersey, Frisco (yeah, we say FRISCO)... and that the Angelenos are in the minority." (Think about it: when peeps hate on LA, they're really hating on the culture that the skinny jeans have created, not us.)



"Let's go to East LA for some real Mexican food!"



Same as above except sub Monterey Park and Chinese food.

 




Bo X
Bo X

How about "I read a really good book last week."

insi10 m
insi10 m

@j a You're obviously a newly sworn-in immigrant citizen.  Knowing who your city councilman is proves that beyond disputation. And "lovingly" offering to drive friends to LAX?  I've driven friends and family there numerous times, and had to  commute there daily for a couple from Hwood for a conference I was running, but never would have attached "lovingly" to the experience as an adjective. Loving the trip back and forth to LAX is like being a Clippers fan for decades,


I remember using public transportation back in the 1980s from USC to the theaters at Beverly Center ...forget what they were called then.  Three hours of pain each way.  Sure, you can use public transportation if you live and work on a route it serves.  Otherwise...get off the crack.

insi10 m
insi10 m

@Jess R I thought that one was a bit out of line.  On the other hand, I've never been there at night.  Many times during the day.

insi10 m
insi10 m

@Benjamin A "LA is NOT sooooo integrated!"?

Obviously, you have never lived anywhere else. 

insi10 m
insi10 m

@Tory D You must be new.  No one actually BUYS the car.  They're all leased.