Time Out Singapore’s chef columnist, Bjorn Shen of Artichoke, on how 'easy' it is to poach eggs.
Photo: Ahmad Iskandar Photography
Every now and then, kitchens get off-menu requests. Like poached eggs. But when we turn customers down, we’re sometimes met with sarcasm: ‘Your chef doesn’t even know how to crack an egg into boiling water?’
It’s not so simple. Most good restaurants are slammed during breakfast or brunch service. Multi-tasking is key. One line cook may be working eight orders of scrambled eggs over two pans on the stove. At the same time, he’s watching over seven different things that went into the oven at different times and have different cooking periods.
It’s no better for the grill station guy next to him, who needs to flip fiddly strips of bacon as fast as he’s putting down fresh ones. Consider also the fryer cook who’s balls deep in orders of truffled fries, cheese fries and hot wings. Oh, and don’t forget the two dudes on the salad and dessert station. They need to set up the greens and condiments for every dish, in addition to busting out their own orders.
Add together all the food coming and then spare a thought for the poor head chef and sous chef who have to inspect each plate of food and then engage in air traffic control to ensure that the right plates go to the right tables. Up to this point, this is just another Saturday morning rush. No biggie.
Now, what happens when the kitchen is required to do something out of the norm? Is poaching an egg as easy as how Nigella does it on TV? Let’s see.
The orders come in. Head chef calls out four dockets as usual. But instead of being able to crack on (pun not intended) with it, Mr Egg now has to grab a saucepan, fill it with water and place it on the boil. This takes at least four minutes. He can’t start cooking his other nine orders of scrambled eggs because one entire stove burner is now being held hostage by this saucepan. The grill and fry guys want to start their multiple tasks, but can’t either, because they’ve gotta coordinate with Mr Egg. No point having the bacon ready four minutes earlier.
In fact, take it that the entire kitchen staff sits on those four dockets just waiting for the water to bloody boil. Finally, it does. Mr Egg adds a splash of vinegar and slips in two eggs. Can everyone finally go yet? Nope. ’Cause you can’t rush poached eggs. They’re like sleeping babies. You don’t wanna stir them.
Finally, after eight damn minutes of delay, the two unicorn turds are ready and everyone breathes a sigh of relief and resumes their sh*t. The entire queue of orders is backed up because of this, and now customers whose orders have not been fired are annoyed and dogging the servers. The kitchen eventually has to get the bar to send them complimentary drinks to appease them. All because of two eggs.
So for a restaurant, poaching eggs may not be as simple as it looks. It’s okay to make a special request, but please reconsider throwing barbs at restaurant staff should they politely decline it. Peace out.