Pwr Presents: Wrestle Slam I (The Riots Of Spring)

At Winter Wonderslam, our blood froze as rivalries snowballed and friendships shattered like ice; the PWR multiverse was blown into a fearsome frostwaste of treachery and TRVE KVLT PVRTY VIOLENCE reigned! Will anything EVER top the feats of daring and depravity we witnessed?! The answer is yes. PWR Presents: WrestleSlam I: The Riots of Spring PWR is Austin's premier party wrestling federation, and this will be our wildest event yet. Chant, party and go totally bananas as people fall onto eachother in a vaguely wrestling-oriented fashion! Prepare for a Spring renewal of rasslin' entertainment! Heads will explode into satyrs! The leaves of every tree will inexplicably become pan flutes! Fauns will happen! Life itself will shine forth from the squared circle. And death - the spurned half-brother of life! Happening a full week before the madness of SXSW, you won't have to worry about lanyard fly-by-nights storming the hood! Keep Austin FEARED! HATH NOT SAINT MICHAEL A BURNING SWORD?! SAINT GEORGE A LANCE?! NOTHING can possibly prepare you for the following insane party regimen: - Insane, possibly illegal amounts of libations* - Insane, but likely not illegal amounts of cool decorations and snacks - The most intense PARTY WRESTLING action ever witnessed. With the aid of a projection system and new raised-platform ring surface, no one will miss out on the mayhem! Definitely illegal!* Raise your arms to the heavens as you recite aloud the match lineup: ************************************************** {PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPION} Dock Master vs. Dan "The Man" Ziggler PWR's most anticipated match of all time! The corporate kid, Dan the Man, will face the mighty Dock Master and establish once and for all who is PWR's true champion. Dan the Man has done his best to ruin Dock Master's life, and the lives of the dockworkers he cherishes. Will Dock be soiled by hatred and fight Dan on his level, or maintain his stoic courage and honor? We will have a wrestling match to find out! California Howdy vs. Paw Howdy It's a good ol' country father-son face off! California Howdy is out for revenge against his pop for humiliating him at Winter Wonderslam and for making Texas worse. Paw is adamant that California is weak and needs some down-home discipline! Everything is bigger in Texas, including this match! This match is bigger because it is in Texas! Pasta Man vs. Luigi Primo The ancient battle between spaghetti and pizza rages to fierce climax! But is Pasta Man's story that Luigi Primo created him true? Luigi denies it vehemently! Both competitors are ready to pummel the other into sauce to prove their claims! That's a meatshphere with a high internal temperature! The Sonic Gentleman vs. ??? The Sonic Gentleman, once a manager, has demanded we add him to the card as a wrestler. He's out to prove his super-speed, supreme intelligence, and utter chivalry. If no PWR wrestler will challenge him, we've agreed to allow him to host a debate and/or read his Sonic fan fiction for a full hour. Hamburger Skyway vs. Randy "The Eagle" Eagleman Hamburger Skyway is a sentient hamburger with a man's body. That much is for sure. He's rumored to be using his new-found humanity to experience everything he can - at any cost! Randy Eagleman is a part-time wrestler and full-time waiter who serves up POWER as well as FOOD TO CUSTOMERS! Will Skyway be able to turn the tables on Randy? Will Randy get his evening shift covered in time to come to the show? There's no way to know for sure...until March 7th, that is! {Garbageweight Champion} Rick Petaccio vs. Hot Dog Garbageweight Championship bout! Current GW Champ Rick Petaccio is defending his title against the nomadic Hot Dog! Who will be the biggest piece of garbage? Will it be the junk-hearted, bilge-mouthed Petaccio? Will it be the dumpers-diving, rubbish-munching Hot Dog? In this no-DQ, no-holds-barred refuse fest, only one can win! Sandly Slamsparkle (Managed by Coach Dad) vs. Whiz Kid (managed by Cool Mom) Sandy Slamsparkle plays multiple instruments at world-class levels, and Whiz Kid's IQ soars well into the 170s! These kids and their parents/coaches are ready to find who is REALLY the most gifted child prodigy! Will Sandy, with her dad, find the success she has found in all other areas of her young life at PWR? Will Whiz Kid and his mom beat them at their own game? There is literally only one way to find out, and you know what that way is (through wrestling)! FOSS Flosser vs. VC Psycho PWR's first dentist wrestler, FOSS Flosser, believes in open-source dental software for all. Venture Capitalist Psycho makes big money by inventing any software the market will bear, and then shoving it down the throats of users - literally! Methodologies and bodies collide in this powerful matchup. Nightcrawler Vs. Baron Zakhey Baron Zakhey, once old and decrepit, has regained seemingly inhuman strength and taken over the PWR legends hall! The only way we can think to stop him is by setting up this match with our own champion of the Night: The Nightcrawler! Will he restore PWR's dignity and stand up for the memory of Victor Von Vang, or will we once again be at the mercy of a villain from nowhere? Only time, and wrestling, will tell. La Nieve Negra vs. Tiffany Chanel Westlake Having her access to her father's credit card revoked has left the vicious Tiffany Chanel Westlake broke and thirsty for blood! She's accustomed to the finer things in life - now she's out to add some class to PWR! La Nieve Negra appeared out of nowhere and challenged Tiffany! Who is she? What are her motivations? Can she match strength with the frenzied Westlake? This match will be a veritable trustfund of intensity! ************************************************** The ebullient and incredible announce team of Mike The Bear, Timmy Quivers, and Duke "USA" America will be calling every gruesome bit of action, as usual! There's also a good chance you will see the following top party-athletes in action in the parallelogram'd ovoid: Hot Dog - A rookie named Hot Dog showed up at our last event, ostensibly train-hopping his way to the show. He took a tremendous beating from the fiendish Rick Petaccio but won the crowd's heart by flipping almost everybody off and never giving in. Maybe we'll see him at our next show, or stone-drunk under a bridge. Rick Petaccio - Flowers wilt under the tread of PWR's bastard son. Rick Petaccio is a true villain whose wrestling ability makes him more than your typical slime. He has attacked the commissoner of PWR on a regular basis, kidnapped PWR legend Dog X, and terrorized officials and announcers. Who can tell what this frenzied virtuoso of party violence will try next, in or out of the ring? Diana Hearthstone - Holistic destruction! Diana annihilates her opponents with various crystals, metals, and herbs! None can match her knowledge of new age healing techniques - and of age old wrestling prowess! Dog X - Literally a dog, Dog X is one of the best wrestlers to ever live! Will she pay us a visit? The Rib Kid - This kid eats ribs! But he's been doing more than just "ribbing" by cutting a bloody swath across the indy wrestling circuit! Can PWR's toughest match up to this master of speed and ribs? "Smooth" John Shrapnel - This saxophone-playing wrestling machine does more than just wrestle, he also plays the saxophone! Pisshuman - I cannot begin to surmise who or what this wrestler is! Plus many more tba!!! *No laws will be broke