We've all been faced with the night bus at some point. Whether it's because you've missed the last train or tram, or because you can't quite stretch to a taxi after a few extra beers, night buses in Manchester have their own unique charms. Here's the five things you'll learn on the night bus.
1. You've missed the last train home. Now you're going to have to pay for it.
You knew in your heart of hearts that when you ordered that extra drink no amounts of arcane calculations could stretch the minutes long enough to make the last train home. You knew it, but you ignored it all the same. Now you have to pay the price for quashing that inner voice. You have to face the long hard journey before you. Fortify yourself and layer up on gloves - you're taking the night bus home.
2. You'll meet some characters.
That guy serenading the lamppost with Celine Dion might be having the night of his life but it's the last thing you want to hear just now. In fact it's the last thing you want to hear ever. Does that guy actually understand what singing is? And did he just grind the lamppost!?
3. You might come across some unwanted extras. Like vomit.
Oh that familiar smell. Doesn't it just take you back. Remember desperately cleaning up after house parties before parents came home? Your first experiences with tequila? Fond memories I'm sure. But not ones you want to relive all the while eyeing a suspicious lumpy pile slowly spreading down the aisle. Hold up your bags, tuck your legs in and take comfort in the fact that it's not a Tesco bag of urine. At least not this time.
4. Your journey will take at least three times longer than it should
The famed Witching hour. The early morning hour when ghosts comes out to play and bus stops magically multiply on every stretch on road. Perhaps the driver intentionally picks the most winding, convoluted path possible for fun. Perhaps you're locked in an alternate hell dimension and this is your eternal punishment for skimping on the tip.
5. None of it matters because the bloody thing's not going to turn up anyway.
Let's face it. It's Manchester and public transport and ne'er the twain shall meet. You've been waiting two hours, every single bus but yours has passed and you've already lost three toes to frostbite (minimum). You may as well just call it quits now, ring the the nearest friend you know who lives in the city centre and crash on their couch.
See more things to do in Manchester from Time Out.