Promiscuity, thy name is Bexley. At 35 bedpost notches per person, the south-eastern borough averages a third more partners than its nearest rival. More worrying still, one in three also confess to having had sex out of ambition. Bexley obviously needs to work on its technique, though – three quarters earn less than the average London wage. It’s not just the pace that’s faster in the middle of town – sex with strangers is way more common in the central boroughs than in the suburbs. Nearly two thirds of Hackney and more than half of Lambeth, Wandsworth, Southwark, Tower Hamlets, Islington, Camden and Lewisham said they’d slept with someone they’d met the same day, compared to one in five in the outskirts of the city. Oh, London, this is worrying. In all but two careful boroughs (Sutton and Bromley), fewer than 50% of respondents said their sex is as safe as can be. Most blasé about the threat of their genitals turning green then turning black then falling off/sealing up are the folk of Kingston – less than a third said they took maximum precautions.
They’re straight, but not exactly narrow. A whopping 40% of straight-identifying respondents from Redbridge said they’d had a same-sex experience. Would Woodford? Yes Woodford most certainly would. Kingston dwellers told us they were among the city’s least satisfied lovers (15% say they’re ‘mostly crying’ about the state of their sex life). This could explain why they’re also the city’s second biggest masturbators, averaging 4.6 solo sessions a week – double the London average. It’s official: Croydon is the wanking capital of London. Respondents told us they stroked the salami (or the soya been) on average 5.6 times week. A 56% unfaithfulness rate also makes it one of London’s worst hotspots for cheating. Wanker territory in more ways than one, then… The city’s most rampant porn consumers are in the south, with Bexley, Croydon, Merton, Kingston and Richmond getting through the most gigabytes of grot. In each, more than 85% confess to regularly appreciating the adult arts.