The best Anti-Valentine’s Day events in NYC

If that long-haired artist in the Bon Jovi “Always” video taught us anything, it’s that love is fickle, and occasionally prone to arson. Valentine’s Day is a time for violence and misery and sing-alongs and wailing guitars, so sing the hits of Journey, Bryan Adams, Def Leppard, and other paragons of ’80s and ’90s power rock.

Give your babycakes goosebumps the Valentine’s Day weekend. Swap candy and flowers for bloody hatchets and gore-stained chainsaws at this special-edition jaunt through the Blood Manor haunted-house. And even the macabre organizers are mindful of tradition—most ticket packages include a single black rose to commemorate your tragic and doomed love.

To quote noted vegetarian poet Steven Patrick Morrissey, “And if a double-decker bus/Crashes in to us/To die by your side/Is such a heavenly way to die.” The man clearly knows a thing or two about the nature of true love (also, vehicular manslaughter). Tribute band the Sons & Heirs—along with host Rob Sheffield—rings in V-Day with the mopey crooner’s greatest—and by that we mean most depressing hits.

Cry the tears of Drizzy while dancing away the pain of being alone on V-day with three DJ sets dedicated to Drake’s past, present and future exes. Just hold on, we’re goin’ home—after the 1am champagne toast.

“Baby, I don’t understand just why we can’t be lovers?” *NSYNC knew what was up. Revel in the horrible nature of unrequited love during this dance party at Rough Trade, where Music Time Machine will play all your favorite heartbreak songs from the 1990s.

It’s okay to be anti-Valentine’s Day, but every woman should get behind Galentine’s—c’mon, what could be better than ladies celebrating badass friendship? Hybrid online magazine and recommendation site Passerbuys wants you and your tribe to spend an afternoon sipping complimentary drinks and munching on snacks by Ovenly, getting DIY manicures from FlossGloss as well as gratis hairstyling courtesy Amika. There will also be tarot readings by Cherelle, flowers by Aurora Botanica and more. The event is located at Space Ninety 8 (a.k.a. Urban Outfitters in Williamsburg), so this gives you a good excuse to treat yourself to a personal V-day gift. (We all could use some more self-love, dammit!)