The best Singlish jokes fit for the kid in you

Question: What’s noisier – coffee or bread?

Answer: Bread. Because BreadTalk (bread talks) while Kopitiam (kopi diam).

Ah Beng came back to his car and found a note sticking on his windscreen saying: 'Parking Fine'.

He wrote a note and stuck it to a pole: 'Thanks for the compliment' before driving off.

Singapore: *looking northward, tips fedora* "M'laysia"

One day, Mee Kia borrowed money from Char Siew Bao, promising to pay him back in two weeks. But when the day came, there was no sign of Mee Kia. So Char Siew Bao rounded up Ling Yong Bao and Tau Sar Bao to find the noodle and hantam him jialat-jialat.

On the hunt, they saw Maggi Goreng strolling across the road. "Brothers, whack him!" Char Siew Bao commanded. And as the three Baos gave it to him one kind, Char Siew Bao shouted, "Eh Mee Kia! Just because you perm your hair, don’t think we cannot recognise you, okay?!"

Ah Beng: Doctor, both my ears are red and really painful.

Doctor: What happened?

Ah Beng: I was ironing my shirt, then the phone rang. But I accidentally picked up the iron instead of my handphone. Then kena, lah!

Doctor: Then what about the other ear?! Why is it red?

Ah Beng: The stupid fella call back, lah!

Guy: Can I have a coke can?

Drinks stall lady: Can cannot but bottle can.

Question: Why didn’t the mantou shed a single tear when his mother died?

Answer: Because he has no filling.

Question: Why did the palm tree get struck by lightning?

Answer: Because it suay.

Question: Why did Ah Beng force 18 of his friends to watch a movie with him?

Answer: Because the ad said below 18 not allowed to go in.

Maggi Goreng was pissed after getting beaten up. Royally pissed. So pissed that he went back to his Noodle Clan to gather his brothers.

"Mee Kia!" he called. "The Bao family are asking for it – I want revenge! Let’s go whack them!"

So Maggi Goreng and Mee Kia went out to find the Baos – any Bao. They saw Small Bao eating at a kopitiam, so they dragged him back to their headquarters, where they gagged him and bound him to a chair.

"Ah, Small Bao," smiled Maggi Goreng. "Now you will pay for what your brothers did to me."

Maggi flashed a pocket knife and, just as he was about to torture our poor pastry, Char Kway Teow, the noodle boss, burst into the room. "Wait!" he yelled. "Don’t touch him! That one is our undercover agent, Yin Si Juan!"