Every city in the world has a list of unwritten rules that visitors will unwittingly transgress at some point, and Scotland's capital is no different. If you do plan on visiting our wonderful (and honestly, really friendly) city, here are five things you should try to avoid - and if you do happen to slip up at some point, we've also included one surefire way for you to make amends.
Photo: Martin Mutch, via Flickr
1. Calling us Edinburghers
Ha! Sprung that one on you right there in the headline, didn't we? The fact is, half the city's population will resent being called an 'Edinburgher' because it sounds like a stuffy, clumsy way of avoiding calling them the slightly cheekier 'Edinbugger' - a term that'll be dismissed as a needlessly low-brow by the other half of the city. You're probably best avoiding homogenous labels for us altogether - after all, we're not Glaswegians.
Photo: Amateur photography by Michel, Flickr
2. Comparing us to Glasgow
Yes, we kinda brought that one on ourselves, but hear us out. On a good day, an Edinburgh vs Glasgow competition will result in cliched, hackneyed, surface-level nonsense that we've heard a billion times before and are quite frankly bored of. On a bad day, Edinburgh will lose. 'You'll have more fun at a Glasgow funeral than an Edinburgh wedding' goes the famous (Glaswegian) maxim, though it's unfair to say we're entirely inept at having a good time - what about the Fringe? Oh, that reminds us...
Photo: Martie Swart, via Flickr
3. Enjoying the Fringe
The world's biggest arts festival, is it? An international appreciate of comedy, theatre, street performance, music and cultural expression in its glorious myriad forms? WRONG! It's a solid chunk of hell involving our streets being overrun with tourists and drama students, who clog up our pubs, strut blithely into busy traffic and selfishly plough millions into the local economy. It's all we can do to grit our teeth and charge them upwards of £1000 for a four weeks in the box room.
Photo: Ninian Reid, via Flickr
4. Praising the trams
When the Scottish Parliament building was completed years late and millions over budget in 2004, it became something of a national past-time to complain about it. Nearly a decade later, our natural reserves of sneering negativity were dangerously depleted - so thank heavens that the tram fiasco came along to rejuvenate our love of really, really hating something. Let us enjoy it while we can - there's no telling when another civil engineering catastrophe will arrive (much like the trams - heyo!).
Photo: Simon James, via Flickr
5. Stopping in the middle of the street
Look, we get it - Edinburgh's a pretty place, and you want to capture those memories. That said, there are people who live here you know - we've got places to be, and we really can't be bothered stopping every five steps while you pause to take a selfie with Greyfriar's Bobby. Also, your effervescent enjoyment of a gorgeous cityscape we've long ago stopped appreciating really bums us out, alright?
If you do happen to commit any of these atrocities, remember, you can always...
Photo: Silvia Molinari, via Flickr
... and pass on your day-saver
You've bought a day ticket for the local buses, commuted around to your heart's content, and are now disembarking your final bus of the day. Rather than discard your day ticket though, it's always polite to see if anybody at the next stop wants to make use of it. Nine times out of ten they'll have their own day tickets/travel passes, but when that tenth person realises you're giving the gift of free travel, out of the goodness of your heart*, it'll make both your days.
*Never, ever offer to sell it to them.