Chicago celebrities as Star Wars characters

The Sith in government might ostensibly run things, but this phantom bankroller (and his family) behind the scenes holds the real power in the Chicago system. The billionaire venture capitalist is also a philanthropist, which keeps him away from the Dark Side. His cousin does have a military museum, though.

Though her husband continues to attempt to ruin the known universe with farting droids and digital creatures, this stately leader and investment executive does the Chicago system proud, sitting on the chair of many trade federations.

Once a guitar Jedi with the world in his grasp, Anakin fell to the Dark Side, wearing long leather skirts and spouting vainglorious statements of his power. After finally being beaten down by the younger generation, he found some redemption, opening a quiet tea house in a tranquil and remote outer system.

The Max Rebo Band went through some tough times. Always the Coldplay to the Cantina Band's Radiohead, the group came out strong with "Lapti Nek," only to replace that winning grove in its set with tripe like "Jedi Rocks." Then, finally, the band struck gold when R&B diva Sy Staples took over, after Jabba's palace was gentrified and turned into a City Winery.

Slicing and dicing with his trusty lightcutlery, this top chef is a true master of his craft. His retaurant group, One Off Hospitality, serves up the strongest food in the system. The force is strong in his padawan Erling Wu-Bower.

Heesa stepped in doo-doo. Though in this trilogy, the bumbling Gungan does not even get to sniff the capital. He ends up banished to a prison planet.

We're not saying the Blackhawks are the Empire, but a dynasty, perhaps. Grand Moff Q is a brilliant tactician who is constantly shuffling his roster of bounty hunters like PK-88, Hossk and Tazer Fett. He's simply the coolest MF in the game and he treats St. Louis like Dantooine.

This lovable little furrball doesn't look like much, but his lo-fi ingenuity takes on the the large machinations of the record industry. He fronts a band with a percussionist who loves to play a kit made of droid parts and bones, though some think he'll never recapture the glory of his seminal album, Yankee Hotel Yub Nub. Still, you just want to hug the guy.

A rookie in the Chicago system, this new hope recently managed to melt down the Steppenwolf computers through the sheer force of her coolness. She's the hero to a new generation who prays she never falls to the Dark Side. We don't see that happening.

Wobble, wobble, wobble. Who designed the fucking legs on this thing?