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  1. We may finally get sick of superheroes

    In 2014, our patience was tested by the feeble ‘Amazing Spider-Man 2’ and underwhelming ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’. Will 2015 be the year when the wheels come off the superhero juggernaut? We have little doubt that ‘The Avengers: Age of Ultron’ will be a fitting follow-up, but what about Marvel’s ‘other’ release, ‘Ant-Man’?

    Original director Edgar Wright left the project to be replaced by Peyton Reed, a journeyman director who seems happy sticking to the middle of the road. Add to that a lame trailer and some truly ropey costume design, and we’re not holding out much hope. Still, we reckon it’ll be a cut above ‘Fantastic Four’, in which ‘Chronicle’ director Josh Trank tries to revive this forgettable franchise with a cast of next-to-nobodies, and the kid who played Billy Elliot.

  2. There are so many unnecessary sequels

    Is there really a section of society just praying for the day when they’ll find out what happened to ‘Paul Blart: Mall Cop’? Or are these sequels just cooked up by money-hungry studios convinced of their own ability to part us from our cash?

    Anyway, while 2015 may offer up a tasty smorgasbord of sequels we actually want to see, from ‘The Avengers’ to ‘Star Wars’, we’ll also have to suffer through ghostly gobbledygook in ‘Insidious: Chapter 3’, kiddie-vamp frolics in ‘Hotel Transylvania 2’, rocket launchers outside Westminster in ‘London Has Fallen’, more grumpy, good-looking teens hitting each other in ‘Insurgent’, and even more grumpy, good-looking teens racing about in the inexplicably titled ‘The Maze Runner: Scorch Trials’.

  3. M Night Shyamalan’s back!

    For a brief period back in the early 2000s, his name was a byword for quality scares and eerie atmosphere. Then, in the wake of ‘Lady in the Water’, ‘The Happening’ and ‘The Last Airbender’, it became a byword for risible cod-supernatural bunkum. Now, writer-director M Night Shyamalan is simply an embarrassment.

    Will ‘The Visit’ – a return to Shyamalan’s low-budget creepy-kid-sploitation roots starring no-one you’ve ever heard of – prove that he’s still got the goods? Or will it mark the final end of his limping career?

  4. Terrible TV shows are leaping on to the big screen

    ‘The Man From UNCLE’ was the sort of show you’d watch during the school holidays if the only other choice was horseracing. It was fun to smirk at the wacky costumes, but good God was it boring. Well, now this TV ‘cult’ (i.e. loved by a few really dull nerds) is coming to a cinema near you courtesy of everyone’s favourite wannabe geezer, Guy Ritchie.

    Still, it’s bound to be a cut above ‘Spooks: The Greater Good’, in which the besuited ITV Mi5 agents must fend off – guess what? – a terrorist attack in London. Meanwhile, your level of anticipation for the ‘Entourage’ movie depends on your tolerance for smug little creeps with slick-back hair and coke on their collars.

  5. Oi, ‘Point Break’ remake! Noooooooooooo!

    Sure, remakes get a bad press – for every ‘Planet of the Apes’ there’s a ‘The Thing’, for every ‘Get Carter’, an ‘Ocean’s Eleven’. But why would you bother to remake a film that’s damn close to flawless already? ‘Point Break’ may not be a work of soaring intellectual genius, but as high-concept ’90s thrillers go it pretty much rules the roost. Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze are perfect, the script crackles with intelligence and let’s not forget the director was future Oscar winner Kathryn Bigelow (she’s gone downhill since).

    And yet, here comes ‘Point Break’ 2015. Keeping the same characters and story (which was already lifted wholesale for ‘The Fast and the Furious’ back in 2001), the film replaces Reeves and Swayze with a pair of jokers called Luke Bracey and Edgar Ramirez (nope, us neither), and makes a desperate lunge for legitimacy by casting the venerable Ray Winstone in the Gary Busey role. Swayze’s Bodhi was right: life really does have a sick sense of humour. And so does Hollywood.

  6. Someone gave Seth MacFarlane the money to make ‘Ted 2’

    Flatfish-faced writer-director-actor-animator-singer-presenter and all-round smug git Seth MacFarlane has taken a few knocks of late: not only was his work as an Oscar presenter roundly decried as offensive and trite, his second feature as a director, ‘A Million Ways to Die in the West’, was named the worst film of 2014 by numerous publications including this one.

    So it’s no surprise to see him retreating to safe territory with a sequel to love-it-or-hate-it 2012 comedy ‘Ted’, about a foul-mouthed, pot-smoking teddy bear. Fans of dick jokes, gay jokes, boob jokes, dick jokes, fart jokes, dick jokes and dick jokes should start queuing now.

  7. So bad they’re good? How about so bad they’re just bad

    We all like to chuckle at posters for the likes of ‘Mega Shark v Giant Octopus’ and ‘Zombeavers’, but who in their right mind would actually waste 90 perfectly good minutes sitting through the damn things? Nonetheless, 2015 is set to be absolutely crammed with low-grade, self-mocking, not-half-as-funny-as-it-thinks-it-is B-movie trash.

    Leading the pack is a wealth of films featuring various unlikely social groups tackling the undead: ‘Scouts vs Zombies’, ‘Bigfoots vs Zombies’, ‘MILFs vs Zombies’ and ‘Cowboys vs Zombies’. And it could be a tough year for cattlemen, because they’ll be tackling an even more unconvincingly CGI’d foe in ‘Cowboys vs Dinosaurs’.

  8. Ryan Gosling needs to stick to acting

    He didn’t star in a single movie in 2014, but we still managed to get Gos fatigue. The Americans have dodged a bullet with the news that his directorial debut ‘Lost River’, which was met by jeers and booing at the Cannes Film Festival, won’t be getting a theatrical release.

    But on this side of the pond, we won’t be so lucky: the so-called ‘fantasy thriller’ starring Christina Hendricks and Saoirse Ronan will be out here in April. Given that our review from Cannes claimed that the film ‘goes off the rails early and often’, we doubt it’ll appear in many best-of-the-year lists.

  9. It’s a year of crazy castings

    We love a good wacky casting choice: Heath Ledger in ‘The Dark Knight’, Ben Whishaw in ‘Paddington’, David Bowie in anything. But it can go too far. We’ve made no secret of our love for Tom Hiddleston – he’s elegant and talented. But for biopic ‘I Saw the Light’, this well-bred gent is stepping into the road-worn boots of Alabama-born country music legend Hank Williams. We’re not sure he can pull off a Stetson, let alone a yodel.

    The same goes for Meryl Streep: she’s never let us down, but can she really convince us that she’s a washed-up, Janis Joplin-esque rocker in ‘Ricki and the Flash’? But bad idea of the year surely goes to the casting director who pegged Joseph Gordon Levitt for ‘The Walk’, the story of French tightrope artist Philippe Petit’s high-wire act between the Twin Towers. Funny make-up and a cra-zee accent? Quelle horreur!

  10. ‘Star Wars’ will dominate everything

    Like a hurricane at sea, the new ‘Star Wars’ movie is a cataclysmic storm that’s impossible to steer clear of: all we can do is batten down the hatches and hope. It started with press conferences and casting announcements, spread to blog posts and geek sites and kicked up a notch with the first trailer, but we ain’t seen nothing yet: just wait for the breakfast cereals, the fast-food meals, the magazine pull-outs, the action figures, the soundtrack albums, the talk-show appearances, the t-shirts, the posters, the wallpaper…

    And here’s an even scarier thought. What if it’s no good? Yes, we went through this before with ‘The Phantom Menace’, but the stakes are so much higher this time around, and the internet is so much more powerful. If this film turns out to be a disaster, it could spell the end for geek culture as we know it. Actually, maybe there’s a silver lining after all…

Ten reasons why 2015 could be a terrible year for film

All the ingredients for a vintage year are there, but don’t bet against Hollywood cooking them up into a big tasteless mess

Written by
Tom Huddleston

Hang on, weren’t we just raving about how this was going to be the best year for cinema ever? We were indeed – but in the immortal words of screenwriter William Goldman, when it comes to film, ‘nobody knows anything’. So while we fervently hope that 2015 will be crammed with witty treats and eye-frazzling spectacle, we’re fully aware that it could all go horribly wrong if the likes of M Night Shyamalan, Seth MacFarlane and ‘Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2’ have their way…

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