It's a little known fact that Father Christmas first started out as a comedy character act. 'Nick', to his mates, started out on the scene as 'anti-comedian' wearing a big red overcoat and 'comedy' beard, occasionally distributing inappropriate presents to members of the audience and telling deliberately unfunny gags. A misdemeanour found him wedged in a lady's chimney (literally that is... not euphemistically) so he had no choice but to bluff it out and claim he was delivering presents to all the good children in the world. And so the legend was born. Anyway, if he doesn't bring you what you want this year, this lot will cheer you up.
Barking Tales, Zombie Shack, Wed Dec 2, £5
Harriet Dyer's monthly comedy night that lifts the lid off mental illness and allows us a therapeutic laugh about it. This month it's the turn of the larger than life cheeky chappie Ray Peacock to share his stories, with support from Matt Hollins and Juilette Burton.
Fred's Comedy Club, Fred's Cafe Bar, Wed Dec 2, £5
Levenshulme's resident monthly comedy club. The latest in a line of top quality acts sees a headline set from Jo Caulfield, a seasoned comedian who has penned a fair few of her acerbic asides for some telly names – Graham Norton included. With support from the darkly funny Rachel Fairburn and, as ever, Andy Kind comperes.
Pen:Chant, Contact Theatre, Thu Dec 3, £7 (£4 conc)
Ben Mellor introduces this blend of comedy, cabaret, spoken word and music. More French than a round of Brie dressed in a stripy top and smoking a Gauloise, Marcel Lucont will be shrugging in Gallic fashion and raising a sardonic eyebrow as he throws out insults to us 'Rosbif'. Anna Freeman and sub blue are in support.
Comic FX at Royal Exchange Theatre and SOS at 3MT, Fri Dec 4, free and £5
He may be an actor, writer, director poet and work part time at Tesco, but it's a tidy double bill for luvvie Randolph Tempest tonight. First he headlines the early evening show at the Great Hall the Royal Exchange then he pops over to 3MT to present his regular SOS night.
Laugh Local, Chorlton Irish Club, Sat Dec 5, £12 (£10 conc)
Chorlton's monthly gig. Danny McLoughlin slips on Justin Moorhouse's compering shoes this month to introduce cerebral humour from Nick Doody, political aware shtick from James Sherwood and former film-maker Paul T Eyre.
Hayley's House Party, 3MT, Sat Dec 5, £3
Rising star Ellis presents a house party where 'you pay for the drinks yourself and there'll definitely be someone crying on the stairs.' They'll also be a roster of great acts trying out new stuff, seasonal games and a sherry or three (maybe).
Group Therapy, Gorilla, Sat Dec 5, £12 (£10 conc)
Group Therapy round off the year's brill gigs with yet another great night. The curiously be-wigged and bespectacled, award winning John Kearns will deliver another beautifully bemused set and the bombastic big guy David Trent will wow with his magical use of Power Point. Tom Burgess supports and what's more, the legendary Phill Jupitus hosts. Prepare to be tickled. Very tickled.
Laughing Cows, The Frog and Bucket, Sun Dec 6, £10, £7 in advance
Don't they grow up fast, hard to believe that it's 17 years since Dulcet Sounds' Hazel O'Keefe put on her first all women gig. Helping her and resident compere Kerry Leigh celebrate this month is the legendary Stockport mother of five Mrs Barbara Nice. Support comes in the form of sketch duo Noblash, stories of nighties and menopause from Lesley Kershaw and north Wales' own Hayley Ellis.
The Heatons Comedy Evening, The Heatons Sports Club, Sun Dec 6, £7.50 and Didsbury comedy Club, Didsbury Cricket Club, Sun Dec 6, £7
Rob Riley's doubling up gigs, take your pick which you attend. Big sets from the brilliantly idiosyncratic Canadian John Hastings and improvising American Russell Hicks. Sophie Willan provides the support and Justin Moorhouse comperes at The Heatons and Harry Stacchini supports while Andrew Ryan emcees at Didsbury.
Quippodrome, Gullivers, Mon Dec 7, £4
Jayne Edwards, Jack Evans, Edy Hurst and Jon Whiteley subject you to their twisted imaginations, and this time it'll have tinsel on it. Expect nuts characters and baffling story lines in this multimedia shenanigans. Plus posh biscuits for Jesus' birthday. Support is supplied by the hilariously downbeat Michael J Dolan.
Trapdoor Comedy, The Railway, Didsbury Mon 7; Soloman's Withington Tue 8; The Old Monkey, Wed 9; Joshua Brooks, Fri Dec 18, £5 (£3 conc)
The usual run of three gigs in a row for Trapdoor beginning in West Didsbury with sharp observations from Vegas based Tanyalee Davies, the force of surrealism that is Tony Law at Soloman's and immersive comedian John Robertson with Vince Atta and his hypnotic looping set at the Old Monkey. Plus there'll be a special pre Christmas Joshua Brooks gig, line up to be announced. Phew.
Gein's Family Giftshop, Kosmonaut, Mon Dec 7, free
Continuing their monthly residency at Kosmonaut, the sketch troupe with a knack for mining the seamy underbelly of life work on more sick and twisted material. All good stuff.
Josh Widdicombe, The Lowry, Tue Dec 8, £19
Now the star of his own sitcom, the eponymously titled 'Josh', life just seems to get better for Mr Widdicombe, soon the comedic pendant will have nothing to gripe about. Sure the middle aged before his time fella will find something to grumble about for the funnies.
The Rutles, Academy, Wed Dec 9, £20
When Eric Idle teamed up with the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band's Neil Innes to work on Rutland Weekend Television back in the 70s they created a sketch that affectionately lampooned the Beatles. The Rutles was born going on to fill out a feature length TV special. Here Innes is on tour with a reformed version. Here's your chance to catch it, and make sure you do it's still just as good.
Noel Fielding, The Lowry, Thu Dec 10, £28-£41
After having to cancel his live dates earlier in the year, Fielding is back out on the road. The comedian and artist brings his out of the box thinking to the stage once more with a live show that promise appearances from the characters that frequent in his fecund imagination, joined by mates such as the shaving foam Moon and plastic-cup-chinned Fantasy Man.
Mother's Ruin, Contact Theatre, Fri Dec 11, £12 (£8 conc)
Festive sparkles from Contact. The 'gloriously raucous' alt cabaret hosted by Timberlina with the sublime Cheddar Gorgeous, acid wit of Gerry Potter Poet, the wonderfully weird world of Charlotte Victoria Furness, 'one idiot's battle with electronic music' – Fat Roland and crafted performance from Tom Marshman.
New Stuff, Comedy Store, Sun Dec 13 & 27, £4 (£2 conc)
The twice monthly new material night at the Store hosted by the natty dresser and uber Doctor Who fan Toby Hadoke. Check out established acts trying out new material for a bit of an insight into how it all works.
XSMalarkey Christmas Party, Pub/Zoo, Tue Dec 15, free
The long running comedy club rounds off the year in traditional manner – in shiny suit and sausage roll in sweaty palm. There's comedy the previous two Tuesdays so make sure you don't miss those too (including Alfie Brown on Dec 1). You pay for them but it's not much and a Malarkey's line up is always well worth it. Back in January.
Amateur Transplants, Gorilla, Wed Dec 16, £15 (£13 conc)
Adam Kay's annual night of 'festive smut' at Gorilla. The former doctor (hence the name) has been regaling audience's with his visceral stories, irreverent parody and general filth, first as a double act and these days flying solo. It'll be a riotous laugh so grab a ticket.
Sham Bodie, Gullivers, Thu Dec 17, £5
The wonderfully quirky of Harriet Dyer, the somewhat offbeat Sean Morley, music from Hot Shorts and the Northern Quarter Boys Choir. Plus the new game all the kids (apparently) are going nuts for, 'it's beginning to lookalike a lot like Christmas'. As promoter John Stansfield likes to refer to it 'Christmas miracle'. Jesus would be proud.
Laff 'Til Ya Fart, Frog and Bucket, Sun Dec 20, £7 (£5 conc)
Trevor Dwyer-Lynch's black comedy night makes its début at the Frog. The title of which comes from a Jamaican saying that Trevor's Auntie Dorothy was rather fond of. Def Jam's Will E and the bombastic Annette Fagon perform plus new acts in support.
Off the Rails, The Royal George, Saddleworth, Sun Dec 27, £8 (£5 conc)
Looking to escape the relatives? Take the train to Saddleworth and take in this lot. Unless you live in Saddleworth in which case wear a fake 'tache and hide in the crowd. Mick Ferry comperes with sharp Malawian comedian Daliso Chaponda and the former circus performer with a bigger beard than most hipsters – Martin Mor. Dean Mavros squeezes in between the two.
NYE Best in Stand up, Comedy Store, Thu Dec 31, £26 (£18 conc) early show, £40 (£30 conc) late
Justin Moorhouse hosts the end of the year at the Store. Two shows, an early one so you can go out drinking afterwards and one to herald in the new year. Both shows see delightfully deadpan Mick Ferry, improv troupe The Noise Next Door and silent shenanigans from The Boy With Tape On His Face. Plus Storyteller Tom Wrigglesworth early show and John Thomson plays the second.
NYE Barrel of Laughs, Frog and Bucket, Thu Dec 31, £38
Or you could check out the end of year show at the Frog – as they used to say on Blind Date the decision is yours. Here the line up sees the man behind the oddest kids' show for a long time – Funz and Gamez - Mr Phil Ellis, Stockport's very own Steve Shanyaski and musical comedy from Jonny Awsum.
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