Bloodline

If you thought the fallout of Dan Brown’s pop-Christian schlock had finally passed, think again. Bloodline follows writer-director Bruce Burgess as he gathers clues of a Catholic-censored historical union between Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene. He interviews some people supposedly associated with the Illuminati-esque Priory of Sion, and apparently discovers a tomb chock-full of 1st-century Jerusalem artifacts…in France! Burgess’s ham-handed, Ziploc-bag archeological style leads viewers to ask the question, what if the greatest story ever told was a lie? Smart money says that, since humanity hasn’t seen heads or tails of this Jesus character in nigh 2,000 years, the answer either way won’t be that big of a bombshell.