If a visitor from Mars needed a crash course in sexism, this would serve. Freshly demobbed, Brian Flanagan (Cruise) takes a Greyhound to NYC, hell-bent on self-improvement. He enlists in business school, but soon concludes that 'notta goddam thing those professors say makes any difference on the streets'. Brian opts instead to imbibe wisdom (and vast quantities of alcohol) at the feet of grizzled bartender Doug (Brown), a would-be guru of the in vino veritas school. Soon Bri is the most dazzling barman on the Upper East Side, and finds that women fall for his bottle-juggling technique and 'killer' smile (permanent rictus is nearer the mark). When he finds his true love (Shue) - no make-up, a 'good' girl - she immediately becomes dependent, cries a lot, and becomes pregnant. Conveniently she's also massively rich. The inevitable occurs, and a long happy future of monogamy, money-making and self-righteousness is in the offing. A tale of cock, signifying nothing.