Enter the Ninja

A Z-grade international cast fumbles its way through a tiresome series of action movie clichés (impotent wealthy farmer and his frustrated wife ask their Ninja friend to defend them from ruthless oil baron and his incompetent hoods), with the characters mouthing appallingly clumsy lines in a startling variety of post-dubbed accents ('Why is Hasegawa so frustrated?' - 'Because it's the twentieth century'). With monotonous regularity the story pauses for graceless and unexciting fight scenes, complete with incessant death gurgles and bone-creaking, or for banal cod-Zen philosophising and rituals. Even on the level of unintentional humour this fails to entertain: the mark of a truly dreadful movie.