There are a million stories in the naked city; why Twilight-actor-turned-screenwriter Peter Facinelli felt compelled to tell one about a pickpocket and his pregnant one-night stand (Alexander) over his other 999,999 choices is anyone's guess. What isn't debatable is that Loosies takes all the wrong turns, from Facinelli's clichd thief with a heart of gold to the heroine's name being, yes, Lucy. (Its similarity to a single-purchase cigarette isn't a coincidence; it's a bona fide plot point. Aargghh!) Director Michael Corrente has delivered decent petty-criminal movies before---see 1994's Federal Hill---but every aspect here smacks of faux-street toughness at its worst. When Vincent Gallo's crazy-sleazy-cool act is the sole element of realism, there's a problem.
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