Malice in Wonderland

Do we really need a drugs ’n’ fetishwear update of Lewis Carroll’s immortal fantasy tome which contains a lengthy monologue on the various constituents of the doner kebab? Set in a Manchester peopled entirely by Cockney grotesques, Danny Dyer (of course) stars as Whitey, the crude-but-loveable cabbie who escorts displaced American heiress Alice (Maggie Grace, delivering what can only be described as a ‘remind me why I’m here again’ performance) through a series of desolate fairgrounds, a truck-stop café-cum-mobile brothel (charmingly called ‘The Spoonaani’) and a suburban members’ disco run by effete kingpin, Harry (Nathaniel Parker). Quite apart from the fact that it mistakes sexism and homophobia for sardonic liberal rib-tickling, even at 80 minutes, the film feels like a brash, crass and boneheaded music promo that’s been stretched to breaking point.