Star Wars: The Clone Wars

In the midst of galactic conflict, someone has kidnapped the infant son of gelatinous gangster Jabba the Hutt, and for complex reasons the Jedi are called in to investigate. If the first ‘Star Wars’ animated movie was just a parade of noisy gun battles and overblown lightsabre duels, we’d be on fairly safe ground. But this throws in all manner of bizarre distractions, from Anakin’s new Padawan apprentice, plucky pre-teen Ahsoka (who excruciatingly refers to her master as ‘Sky Guy’), to Hutt’s burping  son known as Stinky.

The shark-jumping moment arrives with Jabba’s crimelord uncle Ziro the Hutt. A giggling, sexually ambiguous hedonist who speaks like Eric Cartman impersonating Blanche DuBois, Ziro is the most preposterous  thing to hit the ‘Star Wars’ universe since Bea Arthur in the infamous Holiday Special. He’s also the best reason to see this flimsy, kid-friendly videogame approximation of a once proud cinematic franchise. Still, at least it’s better than ‘The Phantom Menace’.