Sweeney!

For a piece of sordid rubbish, this spin-off from the '70s TV cop series would be hard to outdo. Shot with a contemptuous disregard for focus, colour and composition, it tells a ridiculous tale of oil sheiks, callgirls and Big Deals, dressed up in everyone's favourite London locations. Ranald Graham's script is mainly to blame - how come one of the regular TV writers didn't get to do it? - with the Regan/Carter (Thaw/Waterman) relationship consisting of 'You sod!', 'You bastard!' etc; the fictitious names - 'Media Ltd', 'The Dunchester Club', 'New Democrat' magazine - give further clues as to what the whole is like. The Bad-Acting honours are shared by Barry Foster (American) and Ian Bannen (pissed).