The Big Bang
Time Out says
An L.A. private eye (Banderas) is hired by a Russian former boxer to find a beautiful stripper (Guillory). Convolutions involving diamonds, a dirty-minded movie star (Van Der Beek) and a reclusive billionaire (Elliott) planning to re-create the big bang via a particle accelerator pileup, transforming what was already a torturously intricate mystery into a hideous retro-pulp rip-off. Agent-turned-director Tony Krantz has a penchant for stylization that quickly slides into a velvet-painting cheesiness, which---along with the script's pseudoprofound Philosophy 101 maxims---renders the atmosphere less noirish than ridiculously cartoonish.