Man walks into a musical instrument shop, dumps his tooter on the counter and asks for a good price; proprietor tells him to sod off and puts on a record. Man says: hmm, that reminds me, let me tell you a story... There was a transatlantic steamer, The Virginian, which ferried immigrants to the US. On it, a furnace man found an abandoned baby in a crate, named him Danny Boon TD Lemon 1900, and raised him on many white lies, before being killed by a loose chain hoist. One day, 1900 (Roth) sat down at the ship's grand piano and discovered his preternatural gift for playing jazz. He beat Jelly Roll Morton in a jazz duel. There was a girl he fancied, but she got off the ship. He once considered disembarking himself, but in the end rejected 'the infinite keyboard that is the city - God's piano.' 'This is an incredible story - incredible,' says the shop proprietor, before threatening to have the narrator (Vince) arrested. The ancient trumpeter takes his story to a demolition crew setting about The Virginian, but still the ship goes 'Boom!' (boom!).