The Poseidon Adventure

The Big Upturned Ship film, with God and the Rev Gene Hackman leading a motley crew to the top - no, sorry, to the bottom - of the SS Poseidon, capsized by high waves in one of Irwin Allen's sea-tanks. They mount an outsize Christmas tree, clamber through kitchens, wriggle along ventilator shafts, battling all the while with personal crises and water, water, water. It's a terrific piece of junk: the top-notch screenwriters (Stirling Silliphant and Wendell Mayes) never let a cliché slip through the net, and Neame's anaemic direction ensures that every absurdity is treated at face value.