Reducing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to an acronym is one of this film’s many misguided attempts to tamp down the cowabunga dopiness that made its comic-book heroes in a half shell so phenomenally popular in their late ’80s--early ’90s heyday—spawning an animated series, three live-action theatrical releases and a Vanilla Ice rap. What remains is intensely numbing action scenes, poor plot machinations and joyless character sketches all rendered in exquisitely cold CGI. (Opens Fri; Click here for venues.) — Stephen Garrett
![SHELL GAMES These turtles will hurt you SHELL GAMES These turtles will hurt you.](https://media.timeout.com/images/100031417/750/422/image.jpg)
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