Brainy, vegan, longhaired teens everywhere will feel solidarity with Emerson Thorpe (Webber), the 13-year-old protagonist of this well-intentioned but underwhelming feature. The only son of two unhappily married eco-hippies in remote Nova Scotia, Emerson writes fantasy novels, smokes pot with his parents and—when he attends the local middle school after a lifetime of homeschooling—develops a problematic crush on his gay English teacher (MacIvor). Whole New Thing addresses adolescent sexuality without ever tapping its unsettling heat; it’s a polite After School Special, albeit a broad-minded Canadian one. (Opens Fri; Quad.)—Tom Beer