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Each week a different comedian addresses Londoners’ issues. This week, award-winning American comedian tackles your problems head on.
Dear Alex: 'I bumped into a toxic ex at the weekend and now he wants to meet up, what should I do?' Ella, Peckham
Dear Ella: 'Agree to meet up, but send him to an oppressively tourist-laden place like Camden Market or Piccadilly Circus, or one of the not-fun parts of King’s Cross while you stand him up and enjoy an afternoon out somewhere chill and low-key. I recommend Brixton Market – Senzala Creperie, specifically.'
Dear Alex: 'I'm thinking of buying a selfie stick, should I?' Oliver, Holborn
Dear Oliver: 'You should buy a selfie stick. Don’t be ashamed of it. You’ve actually wondered if you should buy a selfie stick, so you should buy a selfie stick. You need one. Because you’re either a man with tiny, tiny, tiny arms or a jerk, and a selfie stick will identify you as such and save folks the trouble of talking to you to find out. Useful for so many things.'
Dear Alex: 'One of my friends is very unsupportive of my social media accounts. No matter how great my picture on Instagram, she refuses to like it. Should I unfollow her and ditch her in real life too?' Beth, Islington
Dear Beth: 'Get over yourself. It’s social media, it isn’t real. You deserve no likes on your photos. In fact, you should be embarrassed for thinking it means anything. In fact, what’s your Instagram handle? Can you tweet it at me so I can take special care to not like your photos? You guys should have a conversation about it, though, and you should try to sort of step outside yourself during said convo so you can sort of observe from a bird’s eye perspective what complete and utter J-Os you’re being.
Dear Alex: 'My housemate has started substituting meals with powdered protein. It's ridiculous and disgusting - how do I get him to stop?' Miriam, Hackney
Dear Miriam: 'Pepper different unpleasant herbs and spices and powders – these powders do NOT have to be food powders, you can use stuff like, say, talcum powder – into his canisters of protein. Also, there’s a product people don’t know about called powdered alcohol that you should google immediately. It’s pretty great. Just sprinkle some of that stuff in there.'
Alex Edleman is at Soho Theatre on May 10-25. From £11.
Find out how advice compared when Marcus Brigstocke solved London's problems