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Meet the Undateables: Ariana and Steve

Photograph: Bridget Burns

RECOMMENDED: See more Undateables

The date: Drinks and empanadas at The Sackett (661 Sackett St, Gowanus, Brooklyn)
 
First impression
Ariana: “I got there a minute before him. He was skinny-nerdy cute. He asked me how to pronounce my name, which not a lot of people do­—I appreciated that.”
Steve: “She was sitting down when I got there. Physically, she was really not my type. Her haircut was not appealing—she said she did it for a role, but it turned me off.”
 
Chemistry
Ariana: “We didn’t stop talking until we left. It wasn’t awkward. He was kind of like a male version of me. My chemistry tends to come from personality, so that was definitely there.”
Steve: “She was talking a lot but wasn’t earning the real estate her mouth was snatching. I’d rather find a conversation topic naturally, not just keep the motor spinning so things don’t get silent.”
 
On being single
Ariana: “I have a hard time with chemistry because usually if I’m physically attracted, they turn out to be complete jerks. The guys I’ve seen over the years that are charming and smooth end up not being very nice.”
Steve: “Girlfriends aren’t like lemons—you can’t just go pick one up. Your time is all you have, so who you spend that with is a big deal. I don’t feel pressured about being single. I’m not panicked about trying to find someone to get off the bus with.”
 
Afterward
Ariana: “He walked with me to the train and got my number. He didn’t go in for a kiss or anything.”
Steve: “As a politeness, I did the formality of getting her number and hugging, but that was just to keep it easy. I don’t intend to use the number.”
 
In three words
Ariana: Steve is " Witty, attentive and an instigator."
Steve: Ariana is "Jovial, talky and big.”
 
Verdict
Ariana: “It was a great date. Maybe I had low expectations, but I felt like it went really well. I’d see him again if he calls.”
Steve: “Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what someone looks like, because you just click as people, but we really didn’t. Nothing will come out of it.”
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Comments

22 comments
Duckface M
Duckface M

I think his responses demonstrate exactly why he is still single. What a jerk.

Peg L
Peg L

And this is one of these biggest problems in our world now. Subpar looking guys, with sub par personalities who think that they are all entitled to get the best that this world has to offer. No wonder that he's stuck in his room tugging it. 

Theresa W
Theresa W

His comments about Ariana really bugged me and I wasn't even on the date. Ariana must not have felt so hot when reading the Verdict. I'm sure her friends will tell her this, but Ariana must know to ignore his insensitive and ugly comments. He's not worth it and she can do better.

Theresa

(Philadelphia, PA)

Jessica S
Jessica S

I hate him. He's a complete and utter dousche. If I see him I will literally punch him in the balls. He thinks much higher if himself than he should. He looks like a cactus and beaus and butthead..,,,except they ate better looking. I hate this dude!!!

Kristin Skye H
Kristin Skye H

I don't know who found this guy but it is painfully clear why he is "undateable." He comes off nasty, superficial and hateful. I wouldn't be surprised if he is a known as a misogynist among his platonic female "friends." Women aren't children. Our world won't fall apart if you don't ask for our number. We will get over it. Especially if this is the kind of guy who may or may not be asking. Someone needs to remind men in their 20s what dating is. Lucky Ariana for dodging this extremely unfortunate bullet. 


p.s. her haircut is freaking adorable. 

nicole n
nicole n

I commend Ariana for being open to this 'social experiment' and hope she doesn't take this guys words to heart. There is a way to be honest and still show a little class. This dude is 27, he has some growing up to do. 

Lizzie J
Lizzie J

The annoying thing is that this example of a date perpetuates the ongoing miscommunication in dating and between men and women. He thinks he is being polite by walking her to the train and taking her number, when he has no intention of using it. She is aware that he might not call but is hoping that he might, because he took her number. Why can't he just tell her that he is not interested in a polite way, instead of being a soft cock and taking the easy way out? Not only is it misleading but also fosters irritation in women. And give each other a break - maybe the reason why she is talking so much to fill in the silence is because she is nervous. Sounds like he never really gave her a chance because he doesn't like her hair cut and the fact that one of the three words he uses to describe her is 'big', I mean that is nothing other than a comment about her weight, doesn't anybody else think?  

MarcNYY618
MarcNYY618

@Lizzie J Ok, to answer that question, it is NOT easy for either gender to openly reject someone.  For every guy that takes a number and doesn't call, there's a girl that gives it and doesn't return a call or answer the phone.  I've been in a situation where I was hoping for a second date, she agreed, and got a nice email basically saying no when I got home.  I get it.


I also don't have an issue that he wasn't attracted to her.  That happens too with both genders.


Ultimately I have one big issue with the guy--he had every right to feel everything he felt, but to communicate it in a public forum where people can see it does no one any good but the people who publish it so they can get more clicks and comments.


If this were me, and I felt everything he felt, I would be very polite about it in public.  I would have said she was nice, I would not have insulted her size or weight, and I would have said it just didn't click.  Unless she was a horrible human being to me, and in this particular case that did not happen, I would not say anything that would embarrass her. 

Kris D
Kris D

@Lizzie J I don't even care that he didn't turn her down in person. It's hard to reject someone. He didn't have to be such a douche afterwards, though. Totally uncalled for. Hope he gets doxed. Would love to get the word out. I'm sure someone knows him IRL. Step up, y'all. 

Mark E
Mark E

@Lizzie J That works two ways but othe than that, as a guy, total d-bag. I mean let's put it this way; he KNEW she'd read this as would everyone else so could have spoken in the euphemisms we all know to let us know it was a no-go. But the endless cuts? I'm guessing more happened on this date then they let on...

k d
k d

@Kris D @Lizzie J actually it turns out I have a mutual friend with that guy and let's just say he'll get everything that's coming to him

Kris D
Kris D

Let's see: Pencil neck, yellow teeth, bad haircut, nose like Butthead of Beavis & Butthead fame, raging insecurity disguised as a laissez-faire toward commitment and a few hours of part-time work on shitty shorts no one watches disguised as an occupation. This guy's got it all. Don't sweat it, Ariana. Hair grows. Charisma does not.

bizzle
bizzle

@Kris D So he's wrong for not desperately needing a girlfriend?  I agree that he's a total douchenozzle for the rudeness of his statements about her, but anyone who has no problem being single is automatically "insecure"?  I don't get that.

Kris D B
Kris D B

I don't think he's wrong for not wanting a girlfriend. I was just saying I don't know if I believe that he doesn't want a girlfriend. I think he's been rejected so many times it's made him damaged and weird. You can see it in his responses.

k d
k d

@Kris D THANK YOU "raging insecurity disguised as a laissez-faire toward commitment" nailed it. 

MorcegoMau
MorcegoMau

This guy thinks he's single because he's looking for the right girl, he's really single because he's a huge tool. Dear God and he isn't even remotely good looking, at least if he were good looking you would kind of understand why he's so full of himself. And for the guys who would defend him and say he's just being honest, you can be honest without being a dick. He didn't like her, it happens, but he didn't have to cut her down. It takes a real man to have tact and consideration for people's feelings. Guys seem to think that just because a woman isn't what they want physically they can trash them, and that says more about the shitty person they are than it does about the woman.

MarcNYY618
MarcNYY618

@MorcegoMau I think you nailed it for the most part.  Guys are going to want women they are attracted to.  And history has shown plenty of very attractive women with average looking guys.  It happens.  In fact, one could argue that one of the reasons women have so much trouble is because they blow the nice guys off for tools like this guy.  A wise woman once told me, "nice guys don't get laid."  There's truth to that, though of course there are exceptions.

You are right though--you can be honest without being a dick.  Being unattractive to someone is no reason to trash them.  You can not be interested and polite.  

MorcegoMau
MorcegoMau

The problem I have observed is that a lot of the guys who label themselves nice aren't really. I've known of a few guys who say they are and then you hear them talking about women and calling them bitches, hoes, butterfaces, or trashing women for silly things like having "ugly feet" or some crap. Women are observing you whether you know it or not. And a lot of women might forgive a hot guy for being an asshole, but not an average joe or an ugly dude. Same goes for men when it comes to women.

The truly nice guys I have met are incredibly attractive and they aren't necessarily the best looking. I have only met 3 guys like this in my life and I am 31. These are the guys that really listen to you when you talk to them, make conversation and treat all women kindly and with respect regardles of how the woman behaves, or whether they're interested in them or not, now matter how old they are, fat, skinny, ugly, plain, gorgeous. They're attentive, make conversation and have generally cheerful dispositions w/o flirting. A lot of guys are bitter and cranky, or mean to women in ways they don't notice.

Another issue is hygiene. I've seen nice guys with potential who have gross skin, full of blackheads, dirty hair, dirty clothes or body odor, bad breath, grimey teeth. Fix your teeth if you need it, it is worth the investment. Also, every guy should work on being able to make conversation, read a book, catch up on current events, learn to make some jokes even if they're a little corny.

Frederick B
Frederick B

He's no catch, but at least he was honest to the magazine, honest with himself, and not rude in person.  Disastrously rude to play nice in person and then go all flaming oil in a public forum.  I wouldn't hire a guy like that.

TONY,  you might think about either granting the participants some anonymity, or allow them to back out before print, because what Steve did above is unconscionable.

Mark E
Mark E

@Frederick B You can be honest without being hurtful. He knew this article would go public and she and 1 million other people would read it. we all know how to read between the lines. in this case between the lines is grade A JERK.

k d
k d

agreed with the below. this is why all the men in brooklyn are going to be single until they're 40, and the beautiful talented women in our 20's and 30's are being passed over. dudes of brooklyn, lower your standards. you're not so hot. 

am i
am i

This dude is a grade A asshole.  See you in 20 years when you are alone.