51 reasons you know you’re a real New Yorker
If you’ve experienced at least 20 of the following, you’re well on your way to having that coveted “real New Yorker” credibility
Photograph: Courtesy Shutterstock
1. You've never, ever been to the Statue of Liberty.
2. You think a reasonable price for either a movie ticket or a decent cocktail is, like, $14.
3. You can walk, eat, talk on the phone and hail a cab, all at the same time.
4. You jaywalk (and would never consider not jaywalking).
5. You're instantly skeptical of/annoyed by any hybrid food creation, no matter how delicious it sounds.
6. …and yet, you've walked 30 blocks in heels, in the rain, just to wait on a two-hour line for said annoying hybrid food creation.
Photograph: Alvina Lai
7. You say you're waiting "on line" instead of "in line."
8. The most expensive thing you've ever paid for is the broker's fee on an apartment you'll live in for less than a year.
9. You've delayed breaking up with someone you're not in love with anymore because they have (a) a really amazing view, (b) a super-adorable puppy or (c) an actual bedframe.
10. You consider Pat Kiernan to be a good friend.
11. You pretend your neighborhood is "edgy" even though for the past few years, it's been so gentrified your parents are talking about moving in down the block.
12. You don't avoid eye contact with panhandlers.
13. You've returned to neighborhoods where you lived years ago and have at least five stories along the lines of "I remember when that Starbucks/Citibank/Duane Reade used to be a dive bar/credit union/Burger King."
15. You've walked down a street lined with restaurants while vehemently complaining that there's "nothing to eat."
16. Finding a film crew in neighborhood has long since stopped being exciting and is now just an annoyance (unless you can sneak a croissant off the Law & Order: SVU craft-services table).
17. You feel scared or uneasy when you go somewhere remote and rural.
18. When walking through the city, you adopt a zigzagging route to avoid waiting for the lights to change to cross the street.
19. You've seen at least one person take a dump in the street (usually while on your way to work).
20. You can spot tourists from over a mile away, even when they're trying really hard to look like New Yorkers.
21. You've never been on a sightseeing bus.
Photograph: Ben Rosenzeig
22. You are an expert at "platforming": knowing where on the train platform you need to stand to best get to your exit/transfer.
23. Corollary: You walk to the exact point you know the doors are going to open, also known as pre-boarding.
24. You know "It's showtime!" can be one of the most annoying/terrifying things that can possibly be yelled at you.
25. You've done your grocery shopping at the bodega on the corner (or at CVS).
26. You've pretended to be asleep in your seat on a crowded train when someone gets on that probably needs the seat more than you.
27. All of your "Tupperware" is made up of plastic delivery containers.
28. You prefer mice over roaches. The lesser evil…
29. Your closet is mostly full of black.
30. You've been to more bodega and sidewalk ATMs than the bank. The bank is TOO FAR.
31. You associate summer with the smell of hot pee.
32. When tourists ask you for directions, even if you don't know, you'll still point them in a random direction rather than admit you don't know.
33. You make the cabbie take your shorter, faster way (even if, in reality, it is neither shorter nor faster).
34. You've owned eight umbrellas in the past month.
35. You keep several sets of headphones stashed in various places (gym, apartment, work, multiple bags).
36. Every time you accidentally wander into Times Square, you back away in horror as though confronted with the devil itself.
37. The number 100 gets shortened to "a'hun" when referring to uptown blocks, e.g., "a'hun-81st Street."
38. You call fire hydrants "pumps."
39. You are unfazed by the combined experience of observing a gorgeous summer dress while inhaling the smell of rancid garbage.
40. You've fallen asleep standing up on the train.
41. When you have nowhere to be, you're still in a rush to get there.
42. You pronounce it "draw," not "drawer."
43. You avoid the ten square blocks around the lighting of the Rockefeller Christmas tree like the goddamn plague.
44. You knew there was no way in hell Monica and Rachel could have afforded that apartment in the West Village (even before they snuck in the fact that it was rent-controlled).
Photograph: Shannon McLaughlin
45. You have hit a cab, bus or car with your umbrella when it has blocked the crosswalk. (You may have even said, "I'm walkin' here!")
46. "Hey, let me get a…" is a perfectly nice way to greet the person taking your order.
47. The New Year's Eve ball drop is best viewed from your television.
48. You do look up at tall buildings—but only if it's the latest starchitect-designed tower.
49. You know exactly which direction is where, no matter where you are (e.g., "I'll meet you on the northwest corner of 53rd Street").
50. You see a scraggly tree in a patch of dirt on a concrete median and think, "Look at that nice little park!"
51. You know that dollar pizza is like sex: Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.
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I've got my A-Ha I’m Finally A New Yorker moment a couple of months ago. Here is what I think makes me a New Yorker: http://stylesprinter.com/the-moment-i-became-a-new-yorker/
@stylesprinter There's no such thing as finally being a New Yorker. You're a New Yorker if you were born here. If not your an unwanted pain in the ass taking up space in a city that's already too crowded. "We grew here. You flew here."
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Editor: Marley Lynch (@marleyasinbob)