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A party crasher's guide to Tel Aviv rooftops

A party crasher's guide to Tel Aviv rooftops
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Dry clean your finest sundress, because you're about to embark on an 'uplifting' journey (at least 3 floors or so). Welcome to Wedding Crashers: Israeli Rooftop Edition.
 
Scream it from the rooftop! Or gesture inaudibly as to not stand apart from the crowd of kind strangers with which you've just spent the past two hours trying to slyly figure out the dirty deets – who's dating who, who's cheating on Itai with Ilai (or was it Omer with Amir?), who's got their life together, who's the reliable hot mess (after you, of course), and most importantly, who's apartment this is. It only takes one Saturday afternoon meander along the boardwalk, through the park, or past any rooftop-laden South Tel Aviv street to know where the party's at. No need to spend hundreds of shekels on overpriced beach beers, overwatered mixed drinks, and over-salted food. Follow our rooftop party crasher's guide instead.
 
 The guidelines to crashing a good rooftop party are simple:
 

1) Replace your "afternoon stroll" with a scouting mission, much akin to bird watching. Tiptoe through the network of streets in and around Tel Aviv North, Kikar Dizengoff, and Shuk Levinsky, listening for the mating calls of the wild Tel Avivians – not to be confused with alley cats, stray children, or worse, the brunch bunch.  

2) Get out those binoculars and size up the crew (don't worry, if you don't have binoculars, you can also just look up). An acceptable number for rooftop crashing is usually somewhere between 20 and 25, though well-seasoned crashers can slip into a more intimate gathering unnoticed and leave without a trace.

3) Bring a 'safe' dish. Nothing too delicious, but nothing unappealing either. While you might be a chef de cuisine back home, a standout side dish invokes follow up questions: What is that spice? How did you make the eggplant so tender? Wait...who are you?

4) Oh, and Arak. Israeli's love their disgusting, black licorice-flavored liquor. If you're feeling brave, Tubi is a solid choice as well, but tread lightly, as you don't want to direct too much attention to your excellent taste in Israeli absinthe, nor get the host too drunk that they start questioning your presence.

5) Have a back story. "Yeah, I'm friends with Gal. He was supposed to be here an hour ago. Guess he got to drunk again last night at Alphabet." Classic Gal.

6) Avoid politics. Heated debates are like one of Trump's tweets, they're totally 'Covfefe.'

7) Don't get too drunk, too full, or too friendly. While you want to converse and be social, you don't want to break the surface dialogue and get too deep or you might mix up your back stories. Think of it like speed dating – after five minutes, move on and never look back.

8) Plan an escape route. Even the most veteran crashers get caught 'bread' handed. Drop the pita, no matter how hungry you are, and run like the nonexistent summer wind.

9) Never crash the same roof twice. While you might think you've made friends for life, returning to the scene of the crime is the ultimate no-no. There are plenty of rooftops to go around.

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