Mazel Tov! Thank G-d, Abraham, or whatever profit you remember from those six months of Bar/Bat Mitzvah lessons because Birthright Israel has just upped the age (and Jewish birthrate) to 32. While the news caused a tidal wave in the Upper West Side, causing every Jewish mother west of Central Park to jump for joy as they simultaneously dial +972 to see if the Levy's youngest, Itai, is finally done with his army service (and still on the market), Tel Avivians received the news with a slightly different grain of kosher salt.
"F*&@king Americans strolling the city, going to our nightlife spots and talking to us...as if they have the right?" rants Shaked Cohen, Florentin bartender and aspiring cat owner.
"And they're all frat douches with tank tops and baseball caps saying 'yo bro' over and over as if it's their birthright or something," adds her full-bearded partner, whose name sadly was not Leonard.
Israeli tourism, Shuk vendors, and sleazy club promoters reap the benefits of unemployed post-college students flocking in groups of 40+ to their establishments: "I wanted to do sex with girl from America. She was...how do you say...sexy?" says 39-year-old promoter, Ido, street name "iDo"; however, despite their overstuffed wallets and impressive ability to spend Bubbe's birthday cash like monopoly money (How much could this plastic be worth? Also, the blue ones are really pretty), any sane local would agree that the cons of this new rule clearly outweigh the pros.
So thank you, Taglit, for blessing us with this gift. Maybe ask next time?
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Birthright Israel speaks to their decision to introduce trips for 27 to 32-year-olds: "The increase in Birthright Israel’s maximum eligible age reflects changing societal trends with young adults making life decisions – such as getting married and having children – later in life."
In other words, this is literally. about. babies.