News / Comedy

Jim Gaffigan: "Bacon may be the answer to peace in the Middle East"

Jim Gaffigan
© Michael Loccisano / GettyImages

Jim Gaffigan, the man who gave hot pockets their fame, has booked a flight to Israel as a part of his "Fully Dressed" world tour this June. The American comedian finds his inspiration in food, fatherhood, Netflix, and well, food. We picked the brains of a true bacon believer about his exercise regiments, Israeli food preferences, children, and preferred prison posse (hopefully these last two are not synonymous).

Jim Gaffigan

courtesy of TV Land

Is this your first visit to Israel?  
Jim Gaffigan: No, I was there in 2010. I’m excited to head back.
 
Are you worried about the lack of bacon in the Middle East?
Jim Gaffigan: Oh that is everyone’s concern. No, actually last time I was in Israel I had some bacon that was quite good at some Scottish Hotel. Bacon may be the answer to peace in the Middle East.
 
Have you looked into border laws on bringing bacon in your carry-on?
Jim Gaffigan: Of course! That was the first thing I did.
 
What is your favorite exercise regiment and why?
Jim Gaffigan: Watching Netflix, that way I can wake up exhausted.
Are you bringing your children to Israel? Or is there not enough sunscreen in the Universe (as in not just the body building association on a field trip to muscle beach)?
Jim Gaffigan: I am bringing my children. I don’t have any intention of bringing them home, but I am bringing them to Israel. 

Which kid do you like most (we all know you have a favorite)?
Jim Gaffigan: I like that kid from the Jerry Maguire movie. He seemed funny. Always had a question and facts. Not like my kids. They just kick me when they sleep. 

People or pets?
Jim Gaffigan: To eat?
 
Falafel or shawarma? (aka a questionable green veggie patty smushed into a ball, or a bunch of meat soaked in fat on a spit all day)
Jim Gaffigan: As someone who eats shawarma at least once a week, I’m highly offended by this question.
 
If you had to call someone in an emergency, but it couldn't be anyone you know, who would you call?
Jim Gaffigan: Ghostbusters.
 
What is your favorite fruit and why (if you had to choose)?
Jim Gaffigan: Cheese is a fruit, right?
 
Do you think being a father has increased your sense of humor? Decreased your life expectancy?
Jim Gaffigan: Yes, definitely.
 
Is there any food group you just wouldn't mess with on stage?
Jim Gaffigan: Spaghetti would be hard to eat on stage.
 
When was the last time you remember being hungry?
Jim Gaffigan: I think it was the early 80s.
 
Do you believe in conspiracy theories? Could hunger be a conspiracy theory?
Jim Gaffigan: It's not a conspiracy theory if it's true!
 
Choose one: a ranch-less crudités platter or an entire box of unthawed hot pockets?
Jim Gaffigan: Am I starting a composting heap?
 
What is your most embarrassing moment to date?
Jim Gaffigan: Being stalked by Halle Barry.
 
Describe an ideal date?
Jim Gaffigan: First it would start at night. Netflix, food, standup, food.
 
In your opinion, what's your most successful bit?
Jim Gaffigan: Convincing people that I’m white.
 
Where do you get your inspiration?
Jim Gaffigan: Anger.
 
How long does it take to write a comedy special?
Jim Gaffigan: A year? Two years? A good comedy special? I haven’t figured it out yet.
 
If you went to jail, who would you pick to be in your prison posse?
Jim Gaffigan: Besides you? Crazy eyes. That’s all I got so far.
 
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Jim Gaffigan: Having your job?

How do you think the hot pockets feel?
Jim Gaffigan: Depends if they’re microwaved. 

Could the epidemic of overly fit Israelis be due to the lack of hot pockets here?
Jim Gaffigan: The fact that you call it an epidemic of overly fit Israeli’s means I’m sensing some jealousy.
 
What did you watch on the plane here?
Jim Gaffigan: I was too busy trying to calm down one of my five screaming children.
 
What's the last great book you read?
Jim Gaffigan: What books were around in 1975?
 
Did you ever have an imaginary friend?
Jim Gaffigan: Not one that was reciprocal.
 
Pint of Ben & Jerry's or pint of beer?
Jim Gaffigan: That’s a question for the ages, right?
 
Do you have a favorite word?
Jim Gaffigan: Pointless.
 
If you could actually eat your emotions instead of food, would you?
Jim Gaffigan: I don’t think anger would taste that great.
 
When was the last time you cried? Laughed? Both simultaneously?
Jim Gaffigan: When was Election Day?
 
What do you hope to gain from your time here?
Jim Gaffigan: A realization that leaving your children at a Kibbutz is something that’s legal in Israel.
 
Gaffigan performs at The Culture Palace in Tel Aviv on June 30th.
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