This is how Bafana Bafana will score us an extra public holiday

Late last month, our dear President gave Bafana Bafana the ultimate incentive to win the World Cup - a public holiday for all of us back home.

Exciting, right?

Well, kind of.

The reality is that as much as we love Bafana Bafana and wish them nothing but the best on the world stage, they aren't exactly the strongest side competing in Mexico, the United States, and Canada.

Of the 48 teams taking to the field over the next month and a bit, there are about 33 teams I believe to be stronger than our national heroes - with a few more up for debate (happy to meet for a beer to discuss, but you're paying).

However, miracles do happen in football. Leicester City won the Premier League at 5000/1 odds. Greece lifted the Euros in 2004. Arsenal got to the Champions League final this year (I'm a disgruntled Spurs fan, let me have this little dig, please).

"So you're saying there's a chance?"

Kind of. Well, maybe not, but I want that extra public holiday!

Everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - would need to fall into place for Bafana Bafana to advance deep into the tournament and lift the most coveted trophy in football.

So that got us thinking at Time Out Johannesburg... what exactly is the 'everything' that needs to happen? Here's our dream scenario.

Group Stage

It doesn't get much tougher than the opening match of a World Cup against the host nation in front of their passionate fans. A 2-0 defeat against Mexico sees Bafana Bafana needing two positive results from their remaining group stage games. A solid 1-1 draw with Czechia brings about fresh hope of a knockout stage spot for the South Africans. However, that hope is quickly dampened when South Korea fly into a 2-0 lead in the last group stage match, with Son Heung-Min grabbing both for the Asian side. When all appears to be lost, Hugo Broos pulls off an 'Any Given Sunday'-inspired half-time team talk, launching the boys onto the front foot. They land a triple blow in the second half, with two goals from Lyle Foster and one from Oswin Appollis sending Bafana Bafana into the knockout round for the first time ever.

Round of 32

Thanks to their second-place finish in Group A, Bafana Bafana take on Bosnia and Herzegovina in California. In what is a very cagey match, a last-minute penalty save from Sir Ronwen Hayden Williams sends the match into extra time. More cagey football follows before Bafana Bafana earn a penalty of their own. After the tricky Appollis is brought down in the box by Sead Kolašinac, Teboho Mokoena steps up to smash the ball into the top left corner to send South Africa into a frenzy of excitement.

Round of 16

Bafana Bafana are now on their way to Houston, where we hope they won't have a problem on the pitch. Guess what? They don't! The Netherlands try to reinvent their total football but make a total hash of it. Two first-half goals from Foster and Mbekezeli Mbokazi give Bafana Bafana the buffer to be able to hang on for dear life in the second half. The Dutch try their best, grab one back through Brian Brobbey in the 73rd minute, but their total of 13 shots on target in the second half cannot produce an equaliser. Bafana Bafana are on their way to the last eight! Is that a public holiday I see in the distance?

Quarter-Final

With the matches getting tougher and tougher with each round, this is surely the end of the road for Bafana Bafana, as France stands in their way. Channelling the spirit of 2010 thanks to some traditional medicine served at the pre-match dinner, Foster becomes Katlego Mphela, Mbokazi does his best Bongani Khumalo impersonation, and the French team implode due to infighting. Bafana Bafana defeat France 2-1 just like they did in 2010 and advance to the last four. The world is in disbelief. They can't, can they?

Semi-Final

This is nosebleed territory. South Africa has never been this high up at a World Cup. If we thought the Netherlands and France were going to be tough, just wait until we take the field against, gulp, Spain. The team that won on our home soil back in 2010 now stood in the way of a fairytale journey for Bafana Bafana. Siya Kolisi has been summoned to give the team a rundown of how to handle these situations. Francois Pienaar is on the phone. Even Matt Damon dials in for a bit of exposure. What follows is the worst 90 minutes of football you are ever going to see. Bafana Bafana completely and utterly suffocate the game with the most boring style of football since Arsenal won the league in 2026. Spain's players go from tiki-taka to waka-waka, unable to do anything other than hand South Africa a 74th-minute penalty, seemingly out of boredom. Mokoena scores. Bafana Bafana hold on. The final whistle blows. A spot in the World Cup final is secured.

Final

There is no need to wake up, folks. This isn't a dream. This is reality. Bafana Bafana are walking out in a World Cup final. Their opposition? Panama! No, no. Just joking. It's England. Harry Kane has already scored 12 goals in the tournament. The English are as fired up as their cricket counterparts during the 2005 Ashes. It's going to be chaos out there. Thankfully, Broos has a trick up his sleeve. The head coach completely abandons the anti-football of the semi-final and attacks from the first minute. England doesn't know what has hit them - a final isn't supposed to be like this? Chance after chance falls to South Africa before Appollis latches onto a loose ball on the edge of the box in the 85th minute and curls it perfectly around the diving Jordan Pickford. They've done it. Bafana Bafana are world champions. They've defied the odds. They've done us proud... and we get our public holiday. Sadly, the public holiday coincides with the elections later this year, so we would be getting it as a day off anyway, but who cares, we've done it!

And there you have it, folks... easy, right?

While this may all be fun and games, we do wish Bafana Bafana nothing but the best and are proud of them for just managing to qualify for sport's biggest event. Do us proud, boys!

No DNA, just RSA!