Time for a riddle! What has no idea what a Caja China is, has never heard of Maná and loves brunch? If you guessed "gringo," you win, bro.
Miami is one of the most wonderfully diverse cities in the country, bursting with influences from South America and the Caribbean. But don't forget about us gringos! We contribute. Sort of.
I mean, without us, would this fine city have—not one, not two—but three Panera Bread locations? We think not! And don't forget that gringos have their share of Miami struggles too. For example: what if one of those Panera locations happens to be closed?
Bet you never thought of that, huh? Well here are ten more scenarios the common Miami gringo has to struggle with on a daily basis.
1. Everyone around you seems to always be eating better food. And you, for some reason, are eating at Subway for the fourth time this week.
2. The moment of panic when the server turns to you and says, "Y tu?" And you black out only to realize 15 minutes later that you apparently ordered a plate of crackers.
3. Not knowing anything about the plantain color spectrum. Pulls out iPhone in supermarket: Okay, Google says green means starchy, yellow is sweet and pink means call 911.
4. Your Duolingo notifications make you feel so guilty. “Hey there! It’s been three weeks since you last opened our app! Remember how you told all your friends you were moving to Miami and totally going to learn Spanish?”
5. Finally tasting good pork and realizing all these years you’ve unknowingly gone without this amazing meat. I am going to sue my mother for lulling me into a false sense of complacency with those childhood white bread ham sandwiches.
6. Having no cool arm sleeve flag to wear during the Calle Ocho Festival. "Um, do you guys have one for West Palm Beach?"
7. Not being able to tell your Spanish-speaking Uber driver that he’s going the wrong way so you just say, “Aqui,” and walk the other four blocks in shame. You deserve this punishment.
8. When you realize people are talking about you when they talk about "anglos." This whole time?!
9. Having the hip coordination of an animatronic bear at Chuck E. Cheese’s. What’s that? Do I want to dance? Oh, no—no thanks—never.
10. Arguing with Cubans over the pronunciation of Versailles. Trust me. You’re not going to win. Let them have that extra syllable. They deserve it.
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