The 10 unlikely places Miamians only go to by accident

Written by
Ryan Pfeffer
Señor Frog's
Photograph: Wei Shi

It happens to us all at some point or another. One minute, life is going along as usual—just swimmingly—and then, somehow, we end up at a place that makes us ask ourselves: how the hell did we end up here?

You’ve probably sworn time and time again to never return, but somehow you’re drawn back like a magnet. Tragic. If you're a Miamian, these are the 10 unlikely places you’ll go to over and over again, against all odds.

1. Ocean Drive. You agreed to show your out-of-town cousins around South Beach and the next thing you know you’re staring down the neon glow of a 64-ounce margarita that will show up as a $378 charge on your credit card tomorrow.

2. The Brickell Avenue Bridge at 5:30pm. You were daydreaming, not even realizing that you were barreling toward the seventh circle of Miami traffic hell. Now you might as well drive right off that bridge. 

3. Broward County. You zoned out for a few exits and now you’re starting to see more and more Panera Breads. Don’t panic. Just turn around and be careful not to get stuck at Margaritaville Resort on the way back.

4. The new Scientology Center on U.S. 1. It had a sign for free parking. Who turns down free parking in Miami? What would Xenu, glorious dictator of the Galactic Confederacy, do?

5. At Tucandela (feeling sweaty, defeated and claustrophobic). Your plans to go on a Colombian party bus fell through and someone in your group had the bright idea to go here and now your Uber app keeps crashing because the universe hates you.

6. Miami Velvet. Because it is a club, but OH NO YOU BROUGHT YOUR TINDER DATE TO A SEX CLUB!

7. Kendall. You did not intend to spend your Sunday driving down to Kendall but your washing machine is broken and mom said it’s taco night.

8. Westland Mall. Siri misunderstood you when you said “Dadeland.”

9. Palacio de los Jugos. You were craving a green juice and Googled "fresh juices" and then you started thinking about pork and here we are.

10. Señor Frog’s. You just wanted to use the bathroom and then all the sudden someone was shooting tequila into your mouth with a water gun and—oh, god, are you wearing a sombrero?

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