Ebenezer

Johnny Depp plays ornery accountant Ebenezer Scrooge in this pointless new take on Dickens’ very well-thumbed festive yarn. The prequel-hinting title turns out to be a red herring – A Christmas Carol has its own origin story built in, of course – as does the presence of hip horror director Ti West (Pearl, X) behind the camera. This is a conventional adaptation that brings enough scary touches to ward off younger viewers, but nowhere near enough to provide a spicy new redo for the tale.

Someone, at least, will come away satisfied. In his first Hollywood studio film in eight years, Depp goes to his happy place as a gurning, outsized Scrooge, chewing over every piece of dialogue like it’s gristle from a Christmas goose. A once-popular figure who has found himself ostracised and hopeful of a redemption arc, the actor should be apt casting as Scrooge, but he overdoes the creepiness and underplays what nuance there is in this famously two-sided character.

Tim remains tiny

West sets it all in an unappealing early Victorian London adorned with mock-gothic touches (read: there’s a lot of crows). In one of a handful of embellishments, Nathaniel Halpern’s script gives a rare glimpse of Scrooge’s equally mean-spirited business partner Jacob Marley (Ian McKellen). The pair bark tyrannically at Rupert Grint’s timid clerk Bob Cratchit for having the temerity to ask for Christmas Day off. Marley isn’t long for this world, though, and he’s soon returning in spirit form to warn Scrooge of the visit of three spirits: Christmas past, Christmas present and Christma… well, you know the rest. There’s time-travelling and life lessons and Severance’s Tramell Tillman pops up as a larger-than-life spectre who puts Depp in the shadows for a brief but blessed moment. Tim remains tiny. 

It’s hard to see West’s stamp in any of this, or get a sense of what got anyone excited about making it in the first place – unless it’s some kind of deep-state plot to revive its star’s career. After all, the Wikipedia page of adaptations and riffs on A Christmas Carol runs and runs… and runs.  

Never mind the great Alastair Sim in 1951’s Scrooge or Michael Caine and the Muppets, this one had me pining for the Robert Zemeckis’ mocap version. Come back leeringly uncanny Jim Carrey, all is forgiven. 

In cinemas worldwide Fri Nov 13.