Gigli

Affleck is Larry Gigli ('rhymes with really'), an LA mob lackey assigned to kidnap the retarded brother of a federal prosecutor. Lopez is Ricki, reluctant homosexual and late-night yoga enthusiast, who charms her way into the hideout apartment to supervise the job. The pain comes in many forms (the sparkless Ben-Jen compound, a bellowing Al Pacino turn, an orgasmic close-up on slack-faced Affleck when he Nails the Lesbian), but most acutely in the impaired-brother subplot and the slavish adherence to Hollywood psychiatry, whereby a disordered mind is tidied by adventure and romance. Mitigating factors: a carefully curated sampling of J-Lo butt cleavage, and an arrhythmic Christopher Walken cameo which momentarily diverts the doomed ship from collision with the iceberg. JWin.