Moana

A tribe of people with self-limiting horizons whose need to rediscover a sense of adventure has become existential, Disney bosses are writing their own metaphors with this pointless Moana remake. 

Even by the deadening standards of The Lion King and Mufasa, this animation-to-live action transplant has all the freshness of a washed-up marlin. If you reach the midway point without the question ‘why are we here?’ popping into your mind, you’ve either never seen the 2016 animated classic that Broadway director Thomas Kai reconstructs in airless fashion using large swathes of green screen, or you’re the ultimate Moana completist.

For the few newbies out there, the story follows young Pacific Islander (and non-princess) Moana (Catherine Laga'aia). She learns how demigod Maui (Dwayne Johnson) stole a jewel from the goddess Te Fiti that set off a blight that’s now afflicting her atoll’s plants and fish. Her impish Gramma Tala (Rena Owen) encourages her to defy her chieftain dad and set out beyond the reef to restore balance to the world. 

Disney bosses are writing their own metaphors with this pointless remake

Owen, who once had a similar breakthrough role in 1994 Maori drama Once Were Warriors, makes a nice foil for newcomer Laga'aia, bringing a warmth and soul that dissipates as soon as Moana’s stormy voyage starts delivering familiar story beats via flat VFX environments and studio water tanks. In awkward timing, another, vastly superior seafaring adventure lands in cinemas this month. The Odyssey was filmed largely on location and the difference is glaring. 

Lin-Manuel Miranda, Opetaia Foa’i and Mark Mancina’s songs are, of course, still bangers, although the staging of both ‘You’re Welcome’ and ‘Shiny’ lacks the wit and fluidity of John Musker and Ron Clements’ animation. The latter, voiced again by Jemaine Clement as a crab monster ever bit as animated as the one in the first film, has little of the same mischievous zip. Johnson makes a game and committed Maui but, again, was better from the recording booth. 

There’s a new Miranda song, some rejigged scenes and a screenplay that credits Samoan screenwriter Dana Ledoux Miller (Moana 2, Pirates of the Caribbean 4) alongside Moana’s Jared Bush. And, of course, it’s important and meaningful to see Polynesian culture represented again in a big movie. But doesn’t it deserve a new story rather than this reheat of last week’s dinner?

In cinemas worldwide Fri Jul 10.