Mortal Kombat II

In the mood for two hours of relentless fights, gory kills, clichéd McGuffins and unmemorable characters, all served up in a weightless CG environment? Mortal Kombat II punches a hole in all those boxes.

Plot-wise, this sequel to the 2019 pandemic hit makes Kung Fu Panda look like Inception. The story is… well, there isn’t one. Supervillain Shao Kahn (UK bodybuilder Martyn Ford), having conquered a realm called the Outworld in the first movie, has turned his attention to the Earthrealm (that’s us, lads). Five heroes must fight him and his evil champions to save humanity. One of them is Karl Urban’s vain ex-Hollywood action star Johnny Cage, who is not the fighting champ his new brethren think he is. All the other old favourites return, including – checks notes – Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee), Liu Kang (Ludi Lin), Kitana (Adeline Rudolph) and Cole Young (Lewis Tan). 

Even Karl Urban’s Galaxy Quest-ish hero’s journey falls flat

Masked hulk Kahn, who looks like he shares a personal trainer with the Balrog, is just one of the under-sketched villains on offer. This is one of those video game adaptations hell bent on replicating the experience of the game, which makes it two hours of third act showdown. That’ll win over the fans, but writer Jeremy Slater and director Simon McQuoid have nothing much for non-console jockeys to latch onto beyond a burst of gravitas from Shōgun’s Hiroyuki Sanada as vengeful ninja Scorpion, and a fun turn from Josh Lawson as Kano, a straight-talking Aussie with a laser eye. Even Urban’s Galaxy Quest-ish hero’s journey falls flat. 

As the sequel-baiting ending suggests, Mortal Kombat III is already in the pipeline. Hopefully they’ll remember a story this time.

In cinemas worldwide Fri May 8.