The Lair of the White Worm

This Russell rigmarole, nominally based on the Bram Stoker novel, seems to have been made up as it went along, possibly inspired by props left over from his last. The function of much of the writing (Russell again) is to throw rickety pontoon bridges between the yawning set pieces, and you can hear it ticking. Everywhere lies the evidence of carelessness. Davis and Capaldi cower in terror, babbling about a car without its headlights on. The standard crucified Christ and raping Romans round out a nightmare. High Priestess Lady Sylvia Marsh (Donohue) paralyses a boy scout with a bite to the willy, after leading him on in leather stockings and suspenders over snakes-and-ladders, then fits a giant dildo for an assault upon the virgin Eve (Oxenberg). Archaeologist Angus Flint (Capaldi) produces a mongoose from his sporran, and later a grenade, to combat the ancient evil of the white worm. Tiresome.