The 58th annual Grammy Awards are set to take place on Monday night. But if you have better things to do than sit around and watch some of the world's most popular musicians commend one another, we've got you covered. In an effort to keep you from being left out of conversations about the ceremony on Tuesday, we compiled a list of Grammys talking points that will make people believe that you actually watched the awards.
"Did you see what Lady Gaga was wearing?" — She may not show up covered in T-bone steaks these days, but Gaga always manages to put together a divisive outfit. Plus, she's performing a tribute to David Bowie this year, so an outrageous getup seems even more likely than usual.
"Adele sounded amazing!" — 25 may not be Grammy eligible this year, but of course Adele is performing at the ceremony. And she's guaranteed to sound like an angel, because this is Adele that we're talking about. Did you even hear her Saturday Night Live performances?
"I think I'm beginning to like Justin Bieber again." — Bieber has been diligently attempting to cast off his reputation as the King Joffrey of pop for the past year. No more smirking his way through award ceremonies in saggy leather pants—this year, he'll be cultivating a new crop of Bielibers by staying on his best behavior.
“Did you think Uptown Funk was two years ago? I did too!” — When the Mark Ronson-produced track wins Record of the Year (because…it must!) you, like the rest of America, will wonder if we’re back in 2014—or even earlier. After all, you’ve been embarrassing yourself at weddings to this track for decades, right?
“Man, that Rihanna song was boring” — See Rihanna’s new album.
“The Weeknd’s new crew cut is everything” — He of the palm-tree hair does like to provoke. What better way to grab some red carpet bulb-age than to just go full-on Army on top?
“That was the best Carpool Karaoke yet!” — James Corden is presenting, and given the success of his late-night celebs-sing-in-cars franchise, we can’t imagine this won’t be an element. Of course, having not watched, you won’t know who was in the passenger’s seat, so maybe try something vague: “How did James manage to get THAT person to do THAT WILD THING?”
“Beyonce slayed!” — Okay, she’s not on the official performers’ list—we’re just being hopeful.
"OMG, the Hamilton performance was SO good." — The cast of Hamilton is performing at the Grammys this year, which gives anyone who hasn't seen the show a taste of the blockbuster musical. It's a sure bet that the performance will be good—because everything about the show is amazing.
"Man, the Taylor Swift/Kanye beef just got real." — Taylor Swift and Kanye West aren't exactly on the best of terms after Yeezy included some misogynistic lyrics about the pop star in his new album, The Life of Pablo. Swift is reportedly planning on bringing it up during her Grammys performance, and when you're pressed for more details, just reference the "I'mma let you finish" incident at the VMAs in 2010.